


Kindling A Fire

by jellyfishsodapop, oorsprong



Series: Without Shame [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Armpit Kink, Body odor, Camping, Closeted Character, Come Sharing, Come Swallowing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Erections, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Olfactophilia, Oral Sex, Pet Names, Pit Licking, Rimming, Rotating POV, Scent Kink, Sexuality Crisis, Sleeping Together, Sweat, Teasing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, osmolagnia, oxford rub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-09 16:13:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7808545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishsodapop/pseuds/jellyfishsodapop, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all had to promise her that we'd only bring people that would respect places like this. That they would keep it a secret too." Turning to give Kylo a serious look, Hux poked his arm for emphasis. "So you better not bring any of your shouty, snotty girlfriends here."</p><p>Hux sighed and added softly, "And there no chance of me bringing anyone like that here. It's just us, just for friends, okay?"</p><p>“I won’t bring anyone here,” Kylo promised, giving Hux an uncertain look.  He wanted to ask if he was okay but didn’t want to ruin the moment.  Hux would tell him if something was wrong.  Or at least, he would eventually.  And if not, that was okay too.  Kylo tentatively put an arm around his shoulders and herded him back to the trail.  </p><p>“It will be fine.  For both of us.  It always is.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic features unsafe sex practices. When in doubt, _don't._
> 
> 9/13 edit: tumblr user aphrodisiacbeans did a spectacular watercolor for this fic that you can see [here!](http://aphrodisiacbeans.tumblr.com/post/149849438152/ive-been-super-into-this-fic-series-without)

As summer vacation plans went, a camping trip sounded fairly innocuous at the time. Two friends exploring the mountains and roughing it for a week, hiking through old growth forests and lounging on the shore of a crystal blue lake. It was perhaps a romanticised version of what would actually happen and they both knew this, which of course just added to the adventure of it all.

Piling food and supplies for a week into the back of Kylo's ancient station wagon along with Hux's old four man army tent at four A.M was already proving to be a struggle and the best solution to that was to find the nearest espresso drive through and buy the most punishing drink imaginable. For Hux, this was a twelve ounce cup of nightmare fuel: eight shots with four pumps of chocolate syrup and just enough heavy cream to cushion his stomach against the shock. The logic behind that was he was the one taking the first shift of driving and with twelve hours of it ahead of them, it made perfect sense.

What didn't make sense was Hux's lapse of judgement in letting Kylo choose the music. The sun wasn't even up and Hux was already white knuckling the wheel as he swung onto the motorway to the strains of Crystal Castles, teeth grinding in his head. As housemates went, Kylo wasn't bad, but his taste in music was atrocious. At least the open road relaxed Hux. It helped clear his mind and let him think about things in an almost zen-like calm. Beside him, Kylo sipped his own drink; something that had enough sugar in it that Hux could smell it. If nothing else, Hux allowed himself to savour this last vestige of civilisation they'd be enjoying for a week.

  
  


“This is the perfect music to drive to, right?  It’s just so mellow.”  Kylo bobbed his head slightly to the high pitched vocals of “Empathy” and took another gulp, peering at Hux over the rims of his sunglasses.  He knew Hux hated when he wore them in the dark but he’d committed to the look.  Hux looked ridiculous in his twill shirt buttoned almost to the neck.  He’d even gone to the trouble of buying and breaking in hiking shoes.  Kylo prefered to wear sneakers until they fell apart on their own.

“You look tense,” he added.  Should I turn the music up?”

  
  


"If you do that I'll look even more tense. In fact I might just end up being tense enough to accidentally jam my foot on the brakes and make you spill your diabetic coma in a cup all over your... are you actually wearing sunglasses?" Sunglasses and some ridiculous all black designer ensemble complete with pre-trashed skinny pants that probably cost an entire paycheque and ironically boho trainers that were more hole than shoe. Kylo was a fashionista trainwreck and Hux was certain that one day he'd roll his eyes so hard at Kylo's clothing choices he'd go blind.

"For fuck's sake, Ren, we're going to the mountains, not some stupid goth club to prat around and look like you're dying of consumption. If you are wearing eyeliner under those, I will smother you in your sleep and leave your body in the woods." Hux took a long swallow of his drink and could already feel the heart palpitations kick in. There was hardly anyone on the road right now and it seemed like a good idea to make this trip shorter rather than longer. Mashing his foot a little harder on the gas, the station wagon sailed smoothly into fourth gear, its powerful V-8 engine roaring dutifully under the hood.

By ten A.M. both of them were coming down from their caffeine high and noticing they were hungry. The rural diner they pulled into was not expecting to see anything like Kylo and Hux winced as all eyes turned to get a look at them. At least they were seated quickly and the food was palatable. After they paid the bill and left a generous tip they were on the road again, this time with Kylo at the wheel and Hux tapping his foot to Arctic Monkeys with a smug grin on his face.

  
  


“I hate this indie rock shit,” Kylo muttered, still tasting slightly burned hashbrowns.  He licked his lips.  “Did you see the way those jackasses were staring at us?  It was like being back in high school.  Fuck these small towns.”

He avoided giving Hux ammunition by saying anything more, knowing full well the kind of hot retort that could be brewing about Kylo’s look being a sad hold-over from his teenage years.  But Hux had been a big JROTC nerd and had no room to talk.

An overcast sky stretched out ahead of them but rain hadn’t been in the forecast.  Everything looked more menacing out here; nature in it’s most natural state.  As a kid he’d loved the outdoors and though he’d never admit it to Hux part of the reason he’d been invested in this camping trip was to prove to himself that he could still rough it with the best of them.  Even if he didn’t have the right attire really, but fuck it, new clothes cost money he didn’t have.  And he’d outgrown a lot of his clothes when he’d started working out in earnest-- something Hux liked to rib him about.

“I guess I should tell you, Marisol and I broke it off.”

Hux glanced up at him in surprise but didn’t say anything.  After a moment of uncomfortable silence he continued.

“It’s kind of embarrassing.  Remember when we went to the drive in last Saturday to see that old movie you wanted to see?”

  
  


Hux tried to muster some sort of sympathy but he really couldn't. While he did feel bad for Kylo, who seemed to be into her, Hux felt absolutely no sense of loss knowing that her presence would no longer be tainting the sanctity of their home. No more being kept awake by awful music until sunrise, no more makeup left on the bathroom countertop, no more of his food mysteriously disappearing from the fridge.

"Yeah, the Alfred Hitchcock festival. I think you fell asleep halfway into The Birds. You philistine."

  
  


“Yeah, well, Rear Window was great but birds aren’t scary.”  He scowled and pushed his hair back from his face.  “Anyway.  She called me earlier that day and told me her parents were going to be out of town-- you know she still lives at home while she’s taking classes?  She wanted to hang out and watch movies.”  He threw up a pair of air quotes around “watch movies”.  “I hate that.  She can’t just watch a movie, she always gets clingy.  So I told her I wasn’t feeling well.  I didn’t want to argue with her about going to the drive-in and I didn’t want to bring her along.  You know, she’s like a third wheel.  It’s just the worst.  So I lied.”

He sighed and tipped his head back against the seat.

“She came by our place later to see how I was doing and when we weren’t home she got scared about it.  She thought I was going around behind her back.  But she didn’t say anything until the other day and we had this huge fight.  It was the worst, she went completely psycho.  I kept telling her I wasn’t sleeping around or anything.  I showed her the ticket stubs and when I told her that I went with you she got real quiet.  It was scary.  Then she left and she hasn’t spoken to me since.”

  
  


Oh yeah, Hux wouldn't miss the fights either. And he knew about almost all of them since she had a hard time keeping her voice down. This wouldn't have been the first time she threw that accusation of Kylo sleeping around in his face, and luckily, it was the last. Clingy, annoying, inconsiderate, and disrespectful. Hux had no idea what Kylo saw in her aside from a remarkably similar wardrobe that he would often borrow from and sometimes even return and going to the same nightclub together. Hux had just assumed she was a steady piece of ass, but the fact that he had never heard them at it was both a godsend and a mystery.

Outside the scenery flew by, residential areas giving way to farmsteads and lighter traffic, then to wide stretches of plain and rolling hills. It was a nice distraction from the conversation they were having, but Hux probably owed Kylo a sympathetic ear after he had to listen to Hux pining over his own crush.

"I'm sorry to hear that. No, really. You two seemed to get on fairly well and I'm genuinely sorry that it ended on a bad note." Hux tipped his head to the side to let the wind blow through his hair feel the patter of misty raindrops against his face. With a soft laugh he closed his eyes, remembering that night in question and Kylo falling asleep against his shoulder. He could have done without the drool soaking his shirt, though. "You know, I always thought I was the third wheel when the three of us hung out."

  
  


“You?  No.  You never made it weird.  She was just crazy jealous of everyone.  When we started going out I thought she was the coolest girl I’d ever met.  I mean, she’s perfect, right?  She’s got great taste in music and she’s really pretty.  She loves to party.  I don’t understand why girls are so _needy_.”

When he slumped forward again he put his head down in a way that Hux would no doubt call melodramatic but the fight still weighed on him.

“I couldn’t break it off with her-- I couldn’t believe this cool girl wanted to be with me.  And she has so many friends, you know?  But she needed to hang out all the time and she wanted to talk on the phone every damn day.  And it’s not like I did anything wrong.  I gave her all the space she wanted, I never looked at other women, I always took her to the best places.  She just kept wanting more and more from me.  It was exhausting.  Why couldn’t she just be chill?”

The sky continued to darken, the perfect ambience for the foul mood he suddenly found himself in.

“I know you’re gonna laugh but she was like a fucking _nympho_.  She was always down for it.  It was crazy.  We were arguing about that the week before.  You were out of the house, thank God.  She was complaining that we hadn’t done anything in days.  I mean, we fooled around like every week.  I don’t get her at all.  It’s probably for the best, right?’

  
  


"Dude, eyes on the road." When Kylo got into his moods he tended to forget the world around him and this was a bad time to do that. Hux relaxed once Kylo lifted his head again, his sunglasses slightly askew. Reaching over, he straightened them and Kylo smirked a 'thanks, man' before resuming his diatribe.

If anything, it was a testament to how long Kylo could put up with another human being on the singular principle that he was dating them because they looked good together. At first, Hux thought Kylo's penchant for such things was shallow and superficial, but it was just a different set of priorities that didn't align with his own. If Kylo wanted to be part of a cute, matched set, who was Hux to judge? Hux had his own idiosyncrasies when it came to the people he was attracted to and the only thing that Kylo nagged him about was that Hux never acted on his attractions, choosing to keep his heart safe. This exact scenario just reinforced Hux's drive to steer clear of having a relationship, not wanting his own heart broken. Though it had to be said that Kylo didn't seem that gutted, in fact he seemed relieved.

"So basically she wanted to take advantage of you in every possible way. So what did she give you? Was she an attentive ear for when you got in your depressions? Did she treat you to waffles at 3am when you were having a crisis over midterms? At least something comparable?" Hux had done both of these things and more, from holding Kylo's hair back as he unloaded his stomach into the toilet for an hour straight after binge drinking to letting him crawl into bed next to Hux after having a bad dream about someone close to him dying. "If she wasn't willing to do the same things for you that you did for her, she was using you."

  
  


Kylo frowned and pushed his glasses up into his hair.  

“No, I mean.  I don’t think she was using me.  I think she might have done that stuff for me but I didn’t need her to, you know?  I already have you.”

Up ahead the sky grew lighter but the rain kept up a steady pace.

“I think I’ll be staying away from the club for a few weekends.  At least until she calms down.  Maybe she’ll find someone else.”  The thought perked him up as the downpour increased and he flicked the wipers to their fastest setting.

  
  


When the rain picked up Hux rolled up the window and tipped the seat back a bit to enjoy the sight of the water distorting his view through the glass. He’d always loved the rain, it made him feel like hiding in blankets and being cosy with a cup of hot chocolate milk and a book. In a car the next best thing was turning the heater up and lying back to watch rivulets spill down and before being whisked away.

Hux couldn't help the amused laugh that escaped him. "So basically I'm the one who works damage control and then you go out with the pretty person of the month who doesn't have to deal with your shit?" It wasn't meant cruelly, but Hux thought about it and chalked it up to Kylo just being Kylo. "We've been friends for what, six years? We've known each other since high school and you've always picked exactly that type of person; shallow, demanding, exhausting. It always ends the same way. Do you just have some kind of masochistic streak that manifests in bad dating choices? And yeah, I'd say stay away from the club. On general principle, honestly."

  
  


“Marisol wasn’t shallow she was just… clingy.”  He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to defend her.  They hadn’t even been friends before they’d started hooking up, unlike his few previous girlfriends.

“And she was smart like you are but a lot less pretentious.  You two would have gotten along if you hadn’t been such a dick to her all the time.”

  
  


One eyebrow lifted lazily at the jab, Hux shaking his head and laughing quietly. "Less pretentious? It took her two hours to get ready to go out for pizza, Kylo. Imagine the poor bastard who had to clean all that black lipstick off her water glass." The worst part was that she had taken so long that they’d arrived fifteen minutes before the place closed and barely managed to get served  "And I wouldn't call someone who tried to break into our flat with a screwdriver because she didn't get a text back from you 'smart'. One might even call her 'stalkerish'. Besides, it's over now, right? And we're going to the mountains to get away from the rabble and enjoy nature. Peace and quiet. Forget our troubles and have a week of introspection." And oddly enough, it was a way for both of them to get over the hazards of human interaction, or in Hux's case, the lack thereof.

"Oh, this is the exit we need to take." The sign pointing them to the mountain road was coming up just as they were leaving the storm behind, blue skies peeking out in the distance. "We should probably find a store and pick up some stuff. More snacks, maybe some ciders. Insect repellent."

  
  


“Yeah, okay,” Kylo muttered.  He’d never hear the end of the screwdriver thing.  There was no way in hell he was going to confess to Hux that he’d broken into the flat with the screwdriver himself when he’d lost his keys and then blamed it on his girlfriend.  Hux already hated her so it had seemed like a win win situation at the time.

“I forget to bring Oreos, we should get some.”  They steered smoothly onto the ramp and Kylo snuck a glance over at Hux to see him peering intently out the window.

“You went camping here a couple times, didn’t you?”

  
  


"Yeah, it's been a few years but I remember how to get to the lake. It's a really secluded spot, so we won't have to worry about some obnoxious family ruining the ambience. And you can play your shitty music as loud as you want too." Kylo snorted in reply and Hux just laughed as the town they had to pass through came into view.

"Oreos and crisps and maybe they made it to modern times and got a cafe here since the last visit. I'd kill for another espresso. Let me check." Hux pulled out his phone and searched only to groan in dismay. "Not even a Starbucks. Really? They're a plague everywhere else." It was just as well, he'd have to get used to being without, anyway.

At the supermarket they filled two baskets with junk food and non-perishables and went up to the registers. Hux eyed the pint of ice cream only to for Kylo to explain that they'd eat it on the way. They were on the road again, passing the pint back and forth while Hux told Kylo the story about the one time they set Thanisson's air mattress adrift on the lake while he slept. For weeks after that, Thanisson refused to sleep in anyone else's presence.

  


 

Kylo laughed so forcefully Hux had to thump him on the back.

“No wonder he’s so high strung!” he exclaimed when he could breathe again.

He dug back into the ice cream using a wafer cookie as a scoop while Hux held the container.  “Did you already fish all the chocolate chips out of this?  You never save me any.”   Sighing in frustration he took a bite out of the cookie.  “You can have the rest.”

  
  


"Look, you're the one who practically melted it by keeping it between your thighs for so long, so yeah, I get the chocolate chips." They were approaching one of the more popular campgrounds and Kylo was already flipping the indicator on when Hux shook his head. "Nah, that's not it. We're going a lot further up into the mountains for this site. It's not on the map, it's not a touristy spot so we will not be bothered at all. It's at least six more exits away so keep driving."

It had been five of them, friends who met through ROTC and it was Phasma who showed them the place. It might have been a secret fishing lake her dad would visit but Hux couldn't remember. All he recalled was the absolute carefree fun they all had there for a few nights, drinking cheap beer and scaring the crap out of each other with horror stories. And setting Thanisson adrift.

The paved road soon gave way to rougher conditions and signs grew infrequent. Turn offs weren't marked but Hux remembered the post that marked this place and he kept his eye out for it. "There, up on your left. The post with the red stripe on it." The dirt road was barely visible, mostly overgown but familiar. They ambled along for another 20 minutes until the trees began to clear some and Hux could see the lake sparkling in the distance. "There it is, just as pristine as I remember."

  
  


“This is really nice,” Kylo said, and meant it.  The view of the lake couldn’t be beat and he could already see the clearing up ahead.  They could park right next to the campsite instead of hiking through the woods with their gear.

“Hey isn’t this the place you wanted to take Mitaka?”  He shut his mouth immediately and grimaced.  Too little, too late.  “Sorry… I remember you mentioning it once.”  Leaves crunched beneath his feet as he exited the car, throwing Hux an apologetic look.  He busied himself with their gear to avoid any awkward conversation.

The rain had stopped, leaving a chill in the air as he lugged their stuff into the clearing.

  
  


Hearing the name of his crush made Hux's heart twist a little, but he needed to pull his head out and get on with things instead of pining after yet another unobtainable person. It was safer this way, smarter. There wouldn't be time to have a relationship while pursuing his architectural career anyway.

"Yeah. Yeah it was. It was just a dream, really. Like he'd want to come out to a place like this with me? Not likely, and there's never really an opportunity to ask." Excuses, Kylo called them. All of it boiled down to Hux being terrible at talking to people and having rotten self esteem when it came to people he was attracted to. The hotter they were, the less likely Hux would ever make a move and this amused Kylo to no end.

With a sigh Hux pushed those thoughts away, focusing instead on the week ahead and how he'd purge those ridiculous thoughts of a relationship from his mind. Superfluous, unnecessary, a waste of time and energy. "No need to apologise, not after we stayed up all night with that bottle of bourbon and me pouring out my soul about him to you nonstop. God I was pathetic." Hux grabbed the tent and one of the bags of food as they made their way over to the grassy spot. They made a pile and went back for a second trip, then a third before everything had been retrieved. Hux stretched and looking around at the scenery. "You know, I want to go exploring before we set up camp. We have at least five hours before the sun starts to go down. Sound good?"

  
  


“Yeah that sounds good actually,” He zipped up his jacket against the chill and fished around in the back seat for the worn black hoodie he left in the car as a spare.  “Here,” he said, thrusting it in Hux’s direction, “it will be warmer than just your jacket.  I can’t believe this is summer.”

The wet spell had turned everything a kind of bold, soggy green; like looking at the world through a soft filter.  His shoes would be a wreck on the trails but he’d layered his socks to protect him from the cold.  As long as he stayed out of the puddles he’d be fine.

“Lead the way.”

  
  


Hux wrinkled his nose at the stale cigarette smell of the hoodie but pulled it on anyway before shrugging his jacket over it. "It's the higher elevation. Hotter days, colder nights, and cold humidity when it rains. Your hair is going to be a wreck, just warning you. If you like I can braid it for you the same way before you head out to the gym." Kylo agreed and sat down on the cooler while Hux made quick work of four neat little braids, held together with one of the hair ties from Kylo's wrist. Soon after they were on their way, skirting the edge of the lake before finding a meandering trail that led up one of the inclines.

Eventually the sun came out again and chased away the lingering chill. Hux needed to take off his jacket halfway up. By the time they reached the top, they were both sweating and down to t-shirts as they took in the view. In the distance, tall peaks glittered with snow against the sky; a flawless shade of blue. Deep greens of dense forest spread out before them. Below, the lake reflected the sky and rippled a silvery blue. Hux already anticipated the cool water on his sticky-hot skin.

He glanced over at Kylo and grinned at the sight of him slack jawed and openly staring. Not as jaded as he pretended to be. "Worth the trip, huh?"

  
  


“This is… really something.”  Kylo couldn’t think of anything else to say.  It was like an image from a postcard.  He’d never experienced such a view up close.  For a moment all the subconscious chatter in his mind about Marisol-- the friends he’d lose after their breakup, how he’d have to drop the class they were in together, how she’d left a bottle of nail polish in the bathroom-- simply dissipated.

“You said your friend Phasma told you about this place?  Man, I’d keep a place like this all to myself.  It’s a good thing you never took any of your… you know, _crushes_ , here.  This place would be ruined with the wrong person.”

The words came so awkwardly that Kylo wanted to explain and start over but he let the words hang there between them as the sight before him sparked his sense of wonder all over again.  Had he had a crush on Marisol?  She couldn’t be ignored-- lit up every room.  But he’d never lost any sleep over it.  Or wanted to bring her somewhere sacred.  

  
  


"Told you it was amazing." They stood there for a while, quiet and reverent and basking in the magnificence that couldn't be found anywhere else. "Yeah, it was Phas. Her family are the really outdoorsy types, so they know all of the sweet spots. We all had to promise her that we'd only bring people that would respect places like this. That they would keep it a secret too." Turning to give Kylo a serious look, Hux poked his arm for emphasis. "So you better not bring any of your shouty, snotty girlfriends here."

Hux let his hand drop and stuffed it into his pocket when he thought about Mitaka. The sweet, shy kid in his calculus class would appreciate this kind of place for sure, but that was exactly the sort of thing he was trying to not dwell on by coming here in the first place. Instead he brought his emotionally unstable best friend who couldn't exist without electricity or plumbing and felt personally victimised when there wasn't anyone around to admire his fashion choices. Hux sighed and added softly, "And there no chance of me bringing anyone like that here. It's just us, just for friends, okay?"

  
  


“I won’t bring anyone here,” Kylo promised, giving Hux an uncertain look.  He wanted to ask if he was okay but didn’t want to ruin the moment.  Hux would tell him if something was wrong.  Or at least, he would eventually.  And if not, that was okay too.  Kylo tentatively put an arm around his shoulders and herded him back to the trail.  

“It will be fine.  For both of us.  It always is.”

He’d never tell Hux but it killed him to see him like this.  Usually his sarcastic sense of humor broke the tension.  Even when they drank together to forget their troubles Hux would eventually get around to making fun of Kylo again, lightening the mood.  

“And you’re right.  I’m an idiot for dressing like this.  But you look like a fucking Eddie Bauer ad."  He grinned.

  
  


For once, a comforting touch was welcome and Hux didn't shrug Kylo off with a glare. Normally Hux avoided physical contact of any kind, his personal space almost projected as a visible barrier from contempt alone. It was in these rare moments when he was feeling both emotionally vulnerable and completely trusting of the person he was with that he set his rule of no touching the Hux aside and let himself be cared for just a little. Kylo was one of two people in the entire world who had that dubious honour and the other was Phasma.

"At least I don't smell like an ashtray. Nor will I have to wring out my socks when we get back to base camp. And as for how I'm dressed, it's comfortable and occasion-appropriate. You just wait until early morning, a flannel is going to sound really good when your teeth start chattering." They both paused at the same time on the trail, looked at each other, and started laughing.

The walk back turned into a detour down a shaded, overgrown path, both of them caught up in how still and quiet and green this part of the forest was. Moss dripped from tree branches and covered the trunks, it grew thick under their feet so each step was bouncy and light. Trees grew thicker here and blocked out most of the sunlight, lending the place an eerie feel. "I've never been down this trail before. It's beautiful." Hux felt the need to whisper, not wanting to upset the serenity of the area. Beside him, Kylo had scooted closer until their shoulders brushed with each step, his eyes wide as he looked around, almost worried. "What's the matter? Are you getting spooked here?" Hux nudged him playfully. "Do you wanna hold hands?"

  


 

“You’re an idiot,” Kylo retorted, but he was smiling.  “Remember that semester we had gym together and I couldn’t finish fucking timed mile and you got in trouble for carrying me on your back?”  He laughed.  “I must’ve weighed a hundred and twenty soaking wet.  I’m pretty sure I could bench press you now.”

He paused and crouched down.  “Come on,” he said, “for old time’s sake.  I owe you one.”  

  
  


"Did you just offer me a piggy-back ride? Have you gone completely mad?" Hux was incredulous but also laughing, hard enough to have to lean against a tree, one hand held up in surrender. The day was clear in Hux's mind though, Kylo wasn't the powerhouse he was today but rather a stringbean, painfully skinny and gangly and awkward. It was quite possibly the moment that solidified their budding friendship when Kylo started wheezing and going red in the face during the run. It was a pass/fail test and there was no way Hux was going to let him fail so the most sensible thing was to carry Kylo to the finish line, all one hundred and nothing pounds of his scrawny frame. Since then, Kylo worked hard to get the build he had today and he was more than capable of hauling Hux back down the trail all the way to the campsite if he wanted to.

Pushing away from the tree, Hux gave Kylo a jab to the ribs, knowing exactly where to aim for his ticklish spot and watched as Kylo crumpled, trying to protect that side and lapsing into giggles he would deny later. "You don't need to show off to me, you big oaf. Come on, let's head back before it gets too dark."

  
  


Kylo snorted, trying to shake off his embarrassment.  He _had_ been showing off.  But only because it still riled him that he’d needed the help at the time.  And a little bit because he was sick of Hux going on about how ill equipped he was for the trip.

They walked together in silence until they reached camp with a few hours of daylight left to burn.  Hux took a long swig from a canteen while Kylo chugged a bottle of gatorade.  

“We need to set up before it gets dark.  Come on, help me with this.”  

  
  


There was quite a bit to sort out, but the tent was the first thing they needed to put together. It was a spacious four-man tent that used to belong to his father and was now in Hux's possession ever since that first trip to this very spot. If five obnoxious teenagers could fit into it, two adults could manage and then some.

Hux unrolled the waterproofed olive drab canvas, the tent posts in a separate bag. Once the edges were firmly in place, they pushed it up and inserted the main pole in the middle. Normally this went without a hitch, it was intuitive and easy and efficient as most army gear went, but not today. Just when Hux was about to grab the next post, Kylo lost his grip and the whole thing came down on them. Kylo yelped, Hux swore, and they both scrabbled around to find their way out.

The escape didn't go well, not with limited eyesight and the musty canvas weighing them down, not to mention tangled limbs making it even harder to manage. Elbowing his way out, Hux could see a sliver of light only for Kylo to flop in front of him like a dead fish and swear colourfully about their choice of temporary housing. Hux countered that Kylo was more than welcome to sleep in the car without any heat.  Another rustle of limbs and Hux was almost certain he was halfway on top of Kylo only to turn and get a faceful of his chest, his black t-shirt damp with sweat. For a moment Hux was motionless as the smell of slightly mildewed canvas was overpowered by the scent that rose up from under him, Kylo's heat sending a spike of chemistry straight into Hux's lungs. He'd never really noticed it before, Kylo was just a familiar scent on the furniture, in the air of the flat, his soap scent after he finished showering, but this was something entirely new and surprising and all Hux could do was breathe it in.

It was a gentle shove that brought Hux back to himself, embarrassment at what he'd just experienced making him pull and claw at the tent until they both emerged winded and tousled and glaring at the collapsed canvas. Hux sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before laughing and willing away his blush. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

  
  


Kylo nodded, his heart a jackhammer in his chest.  He turned away a little, wishing he could change into a looser pair of pants without Hux asking him about it.  It was so stupid but it happened to everyone, right?  Sometimes at the gym when he least expected it.  Sometimes when someone would brush past or touch him on the shoulder, which was rare enough.  That was one thing he liked about Marisol; he was safe with her.  No strange moments of random arousal.  If they were going to do anything he would psych himself up for it and there were never any surprises.

“Yeah, okay.”

Together they managed to wrangle the canvas into a respectable looking tent.  Kylo tossed their sleeping bags inside, already feeling the effects of the long day of driving and the brisk hike.

“Let’s get up early tomorrow.  I haven’t seen a sunrise outdoors in ages.”

  
  


Hux picked up two of the bags of food, throwing a look over his shoulder and laughing. "That would mean going to sleep early, which the last I checked you were incapable of." Putting the bags down, Hux emerged to the sight of Kylo picking up the large cooler filled with ice and ciders and pop by himself and shook his head.

"You damned idiot, let me help you with that before you hurt yourself." Walking towards Kylo, Hux couldn't help but notice just how much more developed his muscles had gotten since the last time he'd really gotten a good look at him. Even in a t-shirt, Hux could see the way the fabric strained over thick biceps and pectorals, sweat darkening the shirt in patches and making it cling.

When Kylo simply walked past Hux with a grin, effortlessly hauling the cooler into the tent with a 'It's okay, I got it', Hux stared in shock. "Bloody show-off!" And yet green eyes danced over the play of back and shoulder muscles rippling with each step, impressed with how disciplined Kylo could be about at least one aspect of his life. Picking up his backpack and the last bag of food, Hux went to join Kylo in the tent.

  
  


Kylo offered a cider to Hux, grabbing a bottle for himself.

“So I guess we don’t have to make a fire yet.  We’ve got sandwiches in here for dinner.

He pulled his shoes off and made a space for them at the corner of the tent.

“Thanks for lending me your dad’s old sleeping bag.  I haven’t owned one since I was a kid.”  He finished the bottle quickly and set it back in the cooler before stretching out.

  
  


Unrolling his own sleeping bag, Hux sat back with a contented sigh as he took the bottle and gulped down half of it. "We can make a fire later, though we should collect some firewood soon. Hopefully it won't rain again and we can gather enough for a couple of nights." The thought of not having a heat source in the middle of a cold night wasn't a pleasant one, Hux not wanting to sleep in three layers of clothes to keep warm.

Hux watched Kylo down the first bottle in a few long swallows before lying back, trying not to stare as he lifted his arms up, hands clasped behind his head. "

Yeah, I hope it's not too lumpy. Or musty. I tried to air it out yesterday but there's only so much I can do." His own sleeping bag was newer, fluffier, and much warmer and Hux almost felt bad for giving Kylo something so worn and frayed at the edges. It was either that or try and take Kylo shopping for a new one, which probably would have ended up with them getting a lot more than they intended to buy.

Hux took another sip and leaned back on his elbows, stretching his legs out.  For a moment he let himself be amazed by just how quiet it was; none of the usual city noises, just the sound of birds and the occasional breeze rustling the trees. "So, what do you think? Do you like the spot? Enjoying the quiet?" As an afterthought, they had nothing of their usual forms of entertainment which filled their time between classes and studying. Hux had remembered to bring a few books but he wasn't sure if Kylo had given any thought as to how to pass the days.

  
  


“Yeah, this is just what I needed.”  

Kylo slipped into the bag and closed his eyes.  The thought of going out to gather firewood seemed impossible as his body relaxed against the flannel lining.  He’d definitely slept in worse conditions.

“We’ll get it tomorrow, don’t worry about it.  If it gets too cold I’ll just crawl into yours,” he said with a yawn.  “Besides, I’ve slept outside before.  On a bench waiting in line for Zola Jesus tickets.”

With a bit of dedicated wriggling he managed to tug off his pants and toss them over his shoes.

“If I wake up later,” he added, “I’ll see if there are any dry branches okay?”

  
  


When Kylo crawled into the sleeping bag, Hux knew he was a lost cause. If it was one thing that happened with unquestionable predictability, it was as soon as Kylo was horizontal, he was out like a light in minutes. The amount of times Hux had to deal with a completely numb leg when Kylo fell asleep on it while they watched movies together on the sofa was outnumbered only by the times Kylo fell asleep on Hux's bed when they studied together. At least that happened a lot less since high school when Kylo would come over and they'd hole themselves up in Hux's bedroom. Hux had a much nicer house and his parents welcomed Kylo to the dinner table every time he was over, engaging him in conversation and letting him know he could come over any time. Often Kylo would spend the night, both of them curled up on Hux's bed surrounded by books, sometimes huddled together on winter nights. They were nostalgic memories for the most part. Nowadays Kylo would sometimes fall asleep at the kitchen table or on the sofa. Once in the tub. Hux thought he was lucky he hadn't drowned, and honestly it wasn't the best way to be startled into wakefulness as he made his bleary way to the bathroom for a middle of the night pee.

"You won't wake up before it's too dark out and we both know it. And my sleeping bag isn't big enough for two." Hux eyed Kylo's discarded jeans with a disdainful look. "And even if it was, do you really think I'd let you just crawl right in? It's not like when you pass out on my bed, at least there's space for all of your ridiculous limbs." Swallowing the last of the cider, Hux stood up and ignored the kicked puppy expression on Kylo's face. "I'll just go now, it's your turn tomorrow for sure." He placed his empty next to the cooler and walked out, taking a long inhale of pristine air.

Another memory came back to him as Hux made his way towards the trees, picking up dry branches as he came across them. It was their senior year of high school and they both waited to hear back from the universities they had applied to. They promised that if they got accepted to different schools they would keep in touch no matter what, that they would see each other every chance they got. They were on Hux's bed, Hux leaning back against the headboard, Kylo sitting cross legged by his feet. Kylo had stolen a bottle of cheap white wine and they were passing it back and forth between them as they talked about the unknown, nebulous future ahead of them. There was a long pause and Hux took a drink, his head fallen back against the pillows. He kept his voice down so it wouldn't break.

"I'm going to miss you."

Tears threatened and he knew he was being maudlin. It could have been the wine, or the fact it was four A.M. on a weekend and the rest of the world didn't matter, but Hux blinked them back valiantly. The look Kylo gave him was almost comical; his eyes wide, mouth a little 'o' shape, eyebrows quirked up slightly. Nudging Kylo's shoulder with his foot, Hux smirked and added "Asshole," at the end of the sentence before passing the bottle back to Kylo who took it and drank deeply.

With an armful of kindling, Hux made his way back to the camp, smiling at the fact that they had gotten accepted into the same university after all and they were now living together. Things worked out for them, even if the details were a bit negotiable. It was still the best possible outcome to be with his best friend the whole time, through all of their ups and downs and everything in between. Once inside the tent again, Hux had to laugh. True to form, Kylo was fast asleep and there was no chance of him waking any time soon. He might very well see that sunrise after all.

  
  


Kylo woke to find himself huddled in a fetal position shivering.  The glow of the fire beckoned from outside.  He cursed the cold and picked his way across the bag and out of the tent, teeth chattering as he stood behind Hux in his t-shirt, socks, and boxers.

“Fuck.  It’s cold.  Come inside.”  

“Shhh,” Hux demanded, head tipped to the sky.  Kylo glanced up and stared in momentary astonishment at the spread of stars stretching across his vision.  Without the light pollution of the city they stretched inexorably into the distance.  He stared as long as his trembling limbs would allow and then crawled back into the tent and hastily unzipped both bags with numb fingers.  

“Screw you, asshole,” he muttered in Hux’s general direction as he re-zipped the bags together to create a double-wide sleeping bag and shoved himself into the warmest corner.  Hux was a miniature furnace and it galled him that he would keep all that body heat to himself.  Let him try to kick Kylo out, he’d just pin him down and sleep on top of him.  With a sleepy titter he folded his arms around himself, too exhausted to let the cold keep him awake.

  
  


By the time the fire had burned down a bit, Hux was starting to feel sleepy and figured turning in would be a good idea. Even with Kylo wandering out earlier and disrupting the peace, Hux's night was near perfect. He had eaten one of the sandwiches they’d made that morning and had another cider as he watched the sun set, lighting up the sky in a way he couldn’t see in the city. When night fell the darkness was absolute and the fire was essential as the air grew chill. Being able to look up and see all the stars was the best part, more than he'd see anywhere else.

Hux wandered back inside the tent and was shrugging his jacket off when he noticed Kylo’s rearrangement of their sleeping situation. This would not do. Not by a long shot. Walking over to the lump under the rather genius combination of sleeping bags, Hux nudged his leg with the tip of his boot. "Hey. Wake you up, you tosser."  He paused. No response. "Kylo you rude shit, wake up and give me my sleeping bag back. I'm not fucking sleeping on the floor of the tent in just my clothes."

  


 

“There’s plenty of room,” Kylo muttered, irritated at being woken up.  “Don’t be such a dick all the time.  What’s wrong with you?”

He turned in the bag, ducking his head under so he wouldn’t have to look at Hux.  He was so fucking obtuse all the time.  Like Kylo was going to put the moves on him or some shit.

“I’m fucking _freezing_ , Hux, get in here.”

  
  


"Are you serious? I don't care how much room there is, I want my sleeping bag back so I don't have to deal with an elbow in my face or your cold fucking feet jammed in between my thighs. I've had enough of that for a lifetime." Without fail, whenever they shared a bed Kylo had cold feet. Even in the middle of summer. And they would always end up pressed against Hux's skin. Never against fabric, only skin, and Hux would always wake up and bat him away only to have to do it again an hour later.

When Kylo made no indication of moving, Hux swore colourfully the whole time he undressed, stripping down to just his shorts before sliding in. Hux had to admit that turning two small sleeping bags into one big one was brilliant but given his companion, it left much to be desired.

"I swear, if you stuff your damnable ice cube feet between my thighs, I will hurt you." As if he didn't make it perfectly clear that this was a less than ideal situation, Hux could only roll his eyes when Kylo immediately scooted right up against Hux's side, cuddling close for warmth. "You intractably annoying prick." Kylo just hummed happily in response.

  
  


“Go to sleep, asshole,” Kylo murmured, warmth blossoming through him like a shot of good whiskey.  He fit himself into the space around Hux, basking in body heat.  Hux was the only person he could comfortably do this with.  The idea of cozying up for warmth with any other man was simply out of the question.  He’d huddled with women on cold evenings, of course, but they seemed to take it as some kind of invitation.  Like there was something on his mind besides not freezing to death.  Only Hux felt right; rigid and soft in equal parts in all the right places.  Only Hux smelled right.  It reminded him of sleeping in the bed together at Hux’s family home.  The comforting nameless scent of chill air mixed with sour sweat and a kind of clammy play-doh smell that he couldn’t possibly explain or link to anything but Hux’s room; the musty scent under the covers.  

“You smell good,” he half-whispered like a creep, but he was too exhausted to give a shit.  He buried his nose in Hux’s shoulder and imagined they were seventeen and fearless again.

  


 

As much as Hux made a fuss, there was nothing more comforting than sleeping next to Kylo. Even with the elbows in his face and the knees in his back and the cold feet everywhere, there was something about Kylo's nearness that was grounding in a way, a solidity that he had even when he was an underweight, gangly kid, like there was no other person more suited to be right there at that time than Kylo. That this feeling persisted through the years and into their adulthood wasn't something Hux thought about. It was just an inevitable fact that he’d accepted long ago. Because in those small hours just before sunrise when the crickets stopped chirping and the cars stopped driving by and the world was completely still, Hux would sometimes wake up, blinking slowly and taking in the sight of Kylo completely at peace. His brow unknotted, his soft mouth slack, charcoal lashes fanned out, his hair an unruly mess, hands in loose fists and tucked in close to his chest. In those moments Hux could stare at him forever, just studying his odd, mismatched features and how they came together perfectly to create the face of someone he couldn't bear to be without.

Hux felt Kylo's breath in warm little gusts against his shoulder, the softly spoken words making one copper eyebrow lift. If Kylo wasn't mostly asleep, Hux would have no problem cutting him down with a snarky comeback about how Kylo could smell good too if he just bothered with basic hygiene, but that wouldn’t be the complete truth. Kylo smelled good even after binge drinking and smoking half a pack of cigarettes and forgetting to shower for three days in a row. He smelled good in summer, after a jog, after working out. Especially after working out. Hux wasn't thrilled with having an overly sensitive nose, but when ambient scents worked in his favour, it was an olfactory feast. Kylo was one of them. Something about his body chemistry defied the natural order of things and was always pleasant to Hux, who assumed it was just his familiarity and nothing more. The fact that he smelled good to Kylo as well was a new piece of information that he wasn't sure what to do with, but it kindled a little pocket of warmth in Hux's belly which then spread outwards, lulling him to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the animation work that [PolypusRegina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PolypusRegina) did for this chapter [here](http://theearlgreyalpha.tumblr.com/post/150324811359/arent-you-cold-come-here-dumbass-hux-held)

It took Kylo a moment to re-orient himself when he woke.  The pleasant feeling of being weighed down by a smaller, warmer body had him blinking in confusion.  It was only Hux, who’d rolled in his sleep in such a way that Kylo lay flat on his back with Hux partially covering him and sporting a serious case of morning wood that pressed against Kylo’s hip.

“Idiot,” Kylo said with a hint of genuine fondness, gently adjusting him so he could exit the tent.  He stood at the edge of the clearing and took a satisfying piss, leaves sharp under his bare feet.  The sun hadn’t yet risen and the air was still chill away from the fire.  His old pair of flip flops lay next to one of the bags they hadn’t brought into the tent and he slipped them on and looked around for the old porcelain coffee pot that brewed over the fire.  Ten minutes later he had a pot of strong coffee going.  He poured some in a mug for himself and filled Hux’s thermos, sure that the smell of coffee would have him up sooner or later.

  
  
  


The scent of a wood fire and coffee brought Hux up from his dreams in slow turns, consciousness mingled with nostalgia making him want to stay buried under the warmth of the sleeping bag that smelled like salt water and aged dust and now Kylo. Pale green eyes fluttered open, the dark of early morning broken up by shifting orange light coming in through the unzipped tent opening. Sitting up, Hux could feel the warmth steal away in the cold dawn air. He tugged at the zipper until the sleeping bags were separated again. Pulling the top one around himself, Hux stepped into his boots, sockless and unwilling to get dressed just yet, and shuffled outside to where Kylo was huddled next to the fire sipping a cup of coffee.

"Hey." Sitting next to Kylo, Hux reached his hands out towards the fire, savouring the heat. Hux noticed that Kylo hadn't bothered with much more than his jeans and slippers, his teeth chattering slightly as he greeted Hux with a grunt. Typical level of articulation given the hour. When Kylo pointed at the thermos, Hux reached for it and took a long, satisfying swallow of the most disgusting swill he'd been forced to drink since their coffee maker had died. Using it as an excuse to buy a brand new, programmable one, Hux had become spoiled and had almost forgotten the way Kylo threw some grounds in a pot with water and boiled it until it smelled like sump oil and tasted like regret. The caffeine content however, was a force to be reckoned with and Hux forgave him for the burnt smell that lingered in the kitchen for almost a week.

"Aren't you cold? Come here, dumbass." Hux held the sleeping bag open and shivered slightly as the cold air swept in. Kylo moved faster than he normally would this early in the morning, and soon Hux was wrapping them both in the warm confines the best he could with those ridiculously broad shoulders taking up half again the space Hux did. They sat drinking coffee in this close, comfortable silence until cobalt blue tinted the horizon beyond the mountain range.

  
  


 

“Thanks,” Kylo muttered as he stared ahead, waiting for the sun to make an appearance.  He wanted a smoke but that desire lost out to the urge to stay in the cozy cocoon Hux had provided them.  In some dim corner of his mind he was persistently aware that this level of intimacy with a friend was unusual but it felt too good to argue with.  There was no one there to see so he leaned against Hux’s shoulder.

“I had a weird dream.  Marisol was working at a factory where they made bowls of ice cream.  Like actual bowls full of ice cream that would come off the assembly line.”  He chuckled.  “It was so dumb.  I don’t even know where my head is.”

  
  
  


"I think the fresh air is getting to you. Either that or you're craving more ice cream." They sipped their coffee and kept close to ward off the chill as the sky went from cobalt to turquoise and then a soft shade of yellow as the snow on the mountain tops were lit up. A light mist blanketed the trees and turned them into fuzzy, soft shapes. High clouds picked up the first vibrant fuschias and tangerines, and then light spilled over the mountains, the sun climbing steadily and chasing the cold away.

There was a quiet accord between them, this moment that they were sharing in a place so far from their regular lives, doing something so unlike their usual routine, drinking horrid coffee and keeping warm under a sleeping bag, that it seemed nothing could be more perfect for all its absurdity. Hux tipped his head against Kylo's and took a sip of his coffee, feeling the warmth begin to wash over them.

"There's your sunrise. Much nicer than watching it from the fire escape, huh?"

  
  
  


“Mmm… much nicer.”

Deep in his chest he felt a painful little tug when Hux leaned against him in turn and it made him sit up straight again, putting on a half-smile as some kind of reassurance that everything was completely fine.  With a yawn he pushed himself to his feet.

“That’s one hell of a sunrise.  I need a cigarette.  I think I left my pack in the car.”

He walked away, leaving Hux to tend to the fire.  They had the camp stove but he almost wanted to suggest s’mores for breakfast because he needed a sugar fix.  Hux often joked that he ran on an unstable mixture of caffeine, nicotine, and sucrose.

After his first smoke of the day he went back in the tent and changed his shirt, rubbing a heavy dollop of hand sanitizer in each armpit.  His coffee mug, drained and filled with a little water from a bottle, became a makeshift sink over which to brush his teeth.  He supposed they would take turns bathing in the lake later.

“Hux, where did we put the graham crackers?” he hollered, rummaging through a bag of food.

  
  
  


Apparently, there would be no respite from questionable culinary choices this day. "They're in the same bag with your double stuff Oreo's. I made sure to separate actual food from your sugary nonsense." Staying beside the fire with his coffee, Hux enjoyed the sunrise a little longer, closing his eyes and feeling the warmth spread out across his face and down his shoulders. It was still chilly enough to need the sleeping bag since he was still in just his boxers, his free hand pulling it close as Kylo rummaged around for his impending sugar coma.

After finishing his coffee, Hux stood up and went back to the tent, dropping the sleeping bag and stretching out the stiffness from his limbs. Getting dressed in a t-shirt and cargo pants, Hux was already planning a walk around the lake and maybe an exploration of the far side of it after breakfast. Going over to the bags, he fished out his box of steel cut oats and a jar of honey before joining Kylo. His friend seemed to be making a mess of something that smelled like burning.

"This is why I do most of our cooking. The next time you complain about my 'boring' choices, look at yours and consider a lifetime of insulin shots." Hux watched in mute fascination as Kylo jammed a marshmallow on the end of a fork and held it over the fire until it scorched black and crispy on one side before turning it to burn the other side. Just as it was ready to fall off the fork, he laid it on a cracker, placed a peanut butter cup on top, and squished it together with another cracker. Hux felt his stomach lurch.

  
  
  


“I was gonna make them with oreos instead of graham crackers but I thought you might take one look and throw up.”

He crammed the entire s’more into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully while Hux gave him a withering look.

“Hey if you’re making oatmeal can I have a little?” he said around a mouthful of marshmallow.   “I don’t actually want to die on the trail.  No honey though, I’m just gonna put some beef jerky in it for a protein kick.” 

  
  
  


Hux just blinked in disbelief. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kylo's reply was a muffled laugh, graham cracker crumbs flying out of his mouth as he began to incinerate the next marshmallow. Ignoring the spectacle, Hux slotted a canister into the portable burner they had brought along and set about making a pot of oatmeal. Once it was done, he scooped half out into his own bowl and passed the pot to Kylo who took it with a happy little noise. True to form, beef jerky went in it and Hux had to turn away in order to enjoy his own breakfast.

"I'm going for a walk around the lake after more coffee. Care to join me?"

  
  
  


“Yeah, that sounds good actually.”

Kylo rubbed at his eyes and frowned at the black smudges that came off on his fingers.

“I must look like shit,” he mumbled, going back to search for the face wipes in the little bag shaped like a vintage cassette player where he kept his cosmetics.  He cleaned up his eyes and combed out his hair, still sticky with yesterday’s product.  “I’m a fucking disaster,” he whined, just loud enough for Hux to hear.  With a sigh he jammed a black wool beanie down over his hair and scratched in annoyance at the stubble on his chin.  He had a mirror but he didn’t dare give it a glance in case he lost his nerve.  Rationally he knew the chances of running into anyone out here were slim but...  With a long suffering sigh he pulled a fresh pair of holey socks over his feet and shoved them back into his battered sneakers.

“Let’s do it.”

  
  
  


"You're a disaster, alright. You spend two-hundred dollars on a pair of destroyed jeans with a fancy name on them but you can't be arsed to buy a new pair of socks for a fiver." Hux watched as Kylo gave a cursory nod to personal grooming, which was a dramatic change from the typical hour he took making sure everything was the perfect state of artistic trainwreck. Shaking his head with a quiet laugh, Hux gathered the dirty dishes and walked over to the lake to give them a rinse before bringing them back to the burner to let them dry.

"Is princess ready for the ball?" Kylo gave him a scowl and a playful shove, Hux laughing as they set out along the shore. The grass was still wet with dew and in a matter of minutes, Kylo was whining about cold, wet feet. Hux just fixed him with The Look and kept walking. The air was crisp and smelled of pine sap and moss, the last of the mist evaporating as the sun rose higher. As it got warmer, Hux could already feel his shirt sticking to his back and Kylo had pulled off his beanie and tucked it into his back pocket. They walked side by side, every now and again pulling out their phones to snap a picture of the views while idly chatting or simply enjoying the absolute quiet.

"Remember that time we snuck out and went skinny dipping in the neighbour's pool while they were in the Bahamas for a month?" Hux remembered it clearly. They were both elated that they got accepted into the same university and it was the first thing they did to celebrate. It was easy to climb over the fence and it was late enough that no one would be awake on a work night. Making sure they stayed quiet, they stripped and climbed in, giggling behind hands and whispering like conspirators until their giddiness got the best of them and they started splashing and dunking each other. Eventually they ended up floating on their backs, looking up at the stars and thinking about renting a flat together and how they would decorate it, both of them enjoying the comfortable lapse of time before reality took hold. In that moment, anything was possible and their dreams were limitless.

  
  
  


Kylo tipped back his head and laughed.  “Yeah.  Oh man, that was the best.  I kept thinking that we needed to find a place with a pool so we could break in at night.  I really miss swimming under the stars.  You always think of the best things to do.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, still smiling at the memory but the smile soon faded.

“Hux… what’s going to happen when you find a boyfriend.  Are you going to want me to move out?”

  
  
  


Hux didn't know how to answer that, mostly because he didn't see any chance of a boyfriend in the near or distant future. His career was more important, honestly, and it would be absurd to kick out his best friend even if he did wind up with something as fantastical as a significant other. Naturally, there was only one answer.

"Of course not. For starters, I'm not looking. Furthermore, no one is looking at me. Third, you're my best friend. What kind of bastard would I be if I kicked you out just to keep a steady piece of hypothetical ass around? Nah, you're stuck with me." Taking a step sideways, Hux bumped their shoulders together and gave Kylo a smile, noticing his slightly worried expression. "I mean it, Kylo. The only reason I'd want you to leave is because you want to leave and it would make you happy to do so."

  
  
  


“Marisol asked me if I were going to get a place of my own anytime soon.  I’ve really never thought about that.  I guess if one of us found someone it would make sense to move out but…”

He paused, lost in thought as they continued to walk the trail.

“I don’t want to live with anyone else.  Your music drives me crazy and you’re always complaining about how messy I am but I feel like we could just keep renting together for… you know… well, indefinitely.  Right?  I don’t want to have to find a new roommate and I don’t want to live with some girl and I don’t want to live by myself.  I don’t even know how to fix shit like you do.  And I would get so lonely.  Maybe if you find a serious boyfriend he could live with us?  I’m sure he’d be cool.”

  
  
  


Hux was hit with a sudden pang of sadness at the thought of not having Kylo in his life if he really did choose to move out. There would be nothing he could do to stop it if that's what Kylo wanted. He was being selfish for thinking that way and immediately pushed those thoughts aside. The admission that Kylo didn't want to leave put Hux's mind at ease, but he was still jarred at how visceral his initial reaction was. Up ahead there was a stone outcropping and Hux motioned over to it, both of them climbing up the side and perching on the edge.

"Yeah, I kinda like our arrangement as it is too. Even with your hair dye staining the sink and tub and your innumerable bottles of god knows what all over the counter top. I swear if I accidentally poison myself grabbing a tube of your primer instead of my toothpaste, you will be buying all my drinks for a year." They exchanged a look in silence before laughing at each other, Hux leaning back on his hands as his feet dangled over the rock. "And there's no serious boyfriend happening, trust me. I'm too busy and I'm “emotionally unavailable.” He held up quotes around the words. “You know that all too well. You're terrible at them too in the opposite direction."

  
  
  


“I’m not  _ terrible _ because I don’t keep things bottled up like you do!  And I don’t want to hear a word about that fucking mirror I smashed up.  It was an ugly mirror anyway.”

A gust of wind blew his hair into his eyes and he pushed it back.  “Honestly, though, who else is going to put up with me?”

Kylo slid off and helped him down.  The silence felt oppressive on the long walk back and Kylo rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck, wanting to talk but not knowing how to start again.

He settled for sticking out a leg and tripping him as they reached the campsite.

 

 

 

The walk back was pleasantly quiet, Hux listening to the various bird calls and mentally identifying them as they flitted from tree to tree. There was a peace here that couldn't be found anywhere in the city no matter how secluded or how early in the morning. That peace was broken when Hux went tipping forward, both hands flying out and one catching hold of Kylo's shirt and pulling, sending both of them off balance and landing in the grass amidst loud swearing.

"What was that for, you asshole?" Kylo was sprawled on his side with Hux halfway on top of him still clinging to his shirt with one hand. The other arm darted out for Kylo's neck and put him in a loose choke hold. "Is that your way of telling me you need a disciplinary beating? Because--  _ ow _ , you shit!" An elbow connected with Hux's ribs in a half hearted rebuttal, both of them toppling over and rolling a few times before Hux ended up well and truly pinned. There was no contest really, not with Kylo's strength and bulk and those big hands almost wrapped completely around Hux's upper arms. Despite the defeat they were both grinning like idiots at each other.

  
  
  


Kylo leaned in and raised his brows.  “Unless disciplinary beating means getting the shit pounded out of you, you might want to rethink your method.”

He laughed as Hux struggled again and slid an arm up to hold him in a headlock.  

“How the mighty have fallen.  I can’t believe you used to be able to pin me.”

  
  
  


"Well, that was when you were a scrawny little thing and my shirts were too big for you when you would borrow them and never give them back." Hux attempted indignance which was difficult to do with his neck twisted in an odd position. "Perhaps a discussion about personal boundaries is in order?" There was no seriousness in his tone as Hux tried to push his way out of the hold to no avail. Of course fighting really dirty was not beyond him. He shoved one hand up Kylo's shirt and dug his fingers into sensitive ribs, tickling him within an inch of his life. When Kylo squealed and let go, Hux went in for the kill, knocking him flat and landing on his chest. Before Kylo could retaliate, Hux was up on his knees straddling Kylo's waist and grabbing his wrists, pinning them down against his sides and holding them in place. With Kylo's arms immobilised, Hux could at least claim a temporary victory.

"But you know what? I borrowed a couple of your shirts too." One dark brow lifted and Hux went on, slightly breathless as he planted his hands on either side of Kylo's shoulders and leaned in. "When I'd visit your place, I'd see all of your dirty clothes scattered everywhere like the proper human disaster you are and when you were in the bathroom or grabbing food for us, I'd take a t-shirt." Hux watched as both Kylo's eyebrows lifted slowly, his mouth losing the smile, jaw gone slack. "First I'd close my eyes and lie on your bed and my nose would find the one that smelled the best, the most strongly of you. That would be the one. They all smelled so good but I'd just shove the one I picked into the bottom of my backpack and hope you wouldn't notice and you never did."

Kylo wasn't even struggling, in fact he was listening raptly, his throat clicking softly as he swallowed. The words kept coming and Hux felt like he was unburdening himself of something he had clung to for so long, mildly alarmed that he would be seen as some kind of deviant. "And then as soon as I was home again, I'd lock my door and pull it out and hold it against my face, breathing in your scent. I treasured every time I could go over there and just be surrounded by it, to be around everything you've infused with it. I was in a daze half the time, drunk on you." It was then that Hux realised he had made a confession, something so private and secret and shameful, his face hot and his eyes locked onto Kylo's. "It… it's not like I was a pervert or anything. I just liked to smell you. It made me feel… I don't know. Safe. Comfortable. Not alone. I still like to smell you and it's not fair how you can smell so good even when you've not showered for a couple of days in the middle of summer." Only then did Hux lower his eyes, embarrassed and waiting for judgement. Relaxing his thighs, Hux released Kylo's arms and made to move away when Kylo caught him by the waist.

There was nothing Hux could say now to make this anything less than weird, especially when the thing he was confessing about was right under him, Kylo's sweat soaked body so close and making him want to press his face right into the dark patch on his chest and breathe him in. His face was burning and something might have been broken between them forever with this, Hux was sure of it. But that hand on his waist was so gentle with Kylo's big palm and idly stroking fingers and then Hux could feel his other hand resting on his nape, a subtle pressure exerted to urge him down.

  
  
  


The confession bypassed Kylo’s rational mind and went straight to his groin, leaving him shamefully hard and helpless in the wake of it.  He sought to process a wave of conflicting feelings, some half-confronted and some pushed away like the dirty laundry lumped in the corners of his room; ignored until dealing with them became an absolute necessity.

“Hux,” he said, licking his dry lips.  Wanting to let go but knowing,  _ knowing _ , that he was safe with Marisol, and Betty Koppel, and every faceless pair of lips he’d kissed, knowing they couldn’t coax the banked fire inside him back to life.

“I can’t,” he tried to say, even as he could.  And would.

_ You make me feel safe but you’re not safe with me. _

He willed the words to come but they stuck in his throat and he swallowed them.  Kylo trusted him implicitly.  What else was there?  With a pleading look he reached up to gently cup the nape of Hux’s neck and draw him down.

“Idiot.  I’m drunk on you too.  All the time.  I can’t think straight and it makes me want to do stupid crazy things.  I want to crawl into your bed every night and smell your hair.”  He let out a choked laugh.  “You didn’t have to steal my t-shirts.  If you’d asked you could gone right to the source.”  He continued to pull Hux down towards him, aware that he was shuddering violently and maybe Hux could make that better too.

  
  
  


"But I couldn't ask, I still can't. I mean..." Hux could feel Kylo's hand tremble on his waist, against the back of his neck, and he went willingly, drawn inexorably down until he could feel the brush of damp fabric against his nose, his lips. His eyes closed as he took the first slow, deep inhale. It was as if he had been on a long journey and only now had finally come home, the familiar scent stirring a profound nostalgia in him that had tears welling up behind closed lids.

The words were whispered against Kylo's chest as his hands dug into the grass, Hux's own body beginning to shake with tiny tremours. "It's not like I could just ask to do this, right? This scent you can't keep to yourself if you tried, god, Kylo I fall asleep on the sofa just to I can..." His voice broke then, Hux taking great lungfuls of the heady scent under him, around him all earth and ozone and musk and Kylo and he knew there was no going back from this.

The only thing that stunned him more than that encouraging, accepting hand on his nape was the similar confession of how his own scent was just as integral a part of Kylo's connection to him. Pressing his nose in further, Hux felt it bump against Kylo's sternum, his lips parting against fabric, deep, open mouthed inhales making him shudder delicately as he took in the salt that was as much a scent as a taste. 

"What stupid things do you want to do? I might want them too." The words were out before he could be afraid, Kylo's fingers sliding up into his hair, giving him courage and making him sigh.

  
  
  


“I want to do every stupid thing with you,” Kylo said.  He tentatively lifted his arm.  The hasty dousing of hand sanitizer hadn’t stood up to their exertion on the trail and he could smell himself, potent with a layer of fresh sweat laid over the ripe scent from the night before.  The spot was so sensitive and ticklish but it thrilled him to think that Hux might like that too.

“Fuck... You make me want to devour you,” he whispered, pulling Hux in closer to tempt him with what he was offering while jostling his hips in a desperate bid for Hux’s body to rub him just right.  He didn’t need a push.  He didn’t need to get in the zone for this.  He needed the lithe body above him to close the gaps between them.

  
  
  


Hux felt like he could stay there forever just resting on that big, warm body with its familiar scent now so much stronger and with Kylo's wide hands laid on him like a benediction, forgiving him the trespasses of his youth. "I still have them, you know. Your shirts. Even when they lost your smell I kept them, too afraid to give them back-- afraid I would be caught." Hux laughed at himself. He was terrible for wanting this so much, more so for putting this on his decidedly straight friend. It might not have been overtly sexual when Hux first realised his predilection, but it became so over the years and now he felt dirty, wrong.

"Look, Ky… you don't have to. I know you like girls so don't do this shit just to make me feel better, okay? Because it's not just… oh. Please, don't- " The hand on his waist lifted away, Kylo raising his arm up and sending a straight shot of pure, sharp sweat right into Hux's lungs. The noise that left Hux's mouth was a broken, fragile thing as he slid his body up to bury his face right into the soaked fabric under Kylo's arm. "Ky, you asshole." The old term of endearment was laden with the memory of a cold winter morning, both of them huddled under the blanket on Hux's bed, legs entwined, bodies curled towards each other, hiding from the dawn light creeping through the blinds, grey and snow laden. It started out with them calling each other crass names and it devolved into something softer, sweeter until Ky and Midge emerged when Hux's mother called them down for breakfast.

Teeth bit down on the wet fabric and pulled gently, Hux pushing his nose into the soft curls and damp skin, his breath coming in pants and sighs, his body stirring treacherously until Hux had to push himself up, ashamed of how much he wanted. "I'm sorry… we should stop this before I say or do something you actually will kick my ass for."

  
  
  


Kylo was on him in a moment, rolling to pin Hux beneath him.

“I don’t know what I like or don’t like,” Kylo said, his voice cracking.  “I just want to wake up with you, with your stupid dick pressing against my thigh and I don’t give a shit how cold my feet are, I want to touch you with them.  Please don’t push me away.  Please.  You’re the only one I’ve ever felt this way about.  I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.  I close my eyes when I’m inside Marisol and I pretend it’s your hands on my back.  It’s so fucked up.  We don’t have to tell anyone.  Please, Midge.  Please don’t leave me.  

  
  
  


For a long moment all Hux could do was stare up at Kylo as the words sunk in. If Hux thought his own confession was a terrible secret, he could only imagine how Kylo felt after keeping this one in for so long, not knowing himself or his desires and just playing along at being straight because that's what was expected of him. As if he had anything to be afraid of by admitting this to Hux. It was confusing, but far more so for Kylo who Hux felt a terrible ache in his chest for. It took a lot to come out, even to a best friend that he knew he could trust with his life.

The confession was taken as the gift it was, the helpless plea answered by a beckoning hand curled around Kylo's jaw. "I'm not going anywhere, Ky. I'm always here for you, you know that. Even this, especially this." Hux's thumb rubbed at Kylo's cheek, his other hand lifting to hold Kylo's face, to pull him down slowly, giving him the chance to back out at a moment's notice with no pressure or judgement. "Kiss me? Tell me if this is what you're feeling. If it feels right, okay?"

Those dark eyes looked frightened and wary but there was a fire in them and Hux could see the self doubt, the second guessing. He understood it all too well, knew what it was like to feel utterly adrift and alone. Except Kylo wasn't alone and Hux wanted to make sure he knew that.

  
  
  


The first thought in Kylo’s head as their lips connected was,  _ I’m no good at this.   _ The second;  _ This is what it’s supposed to feel like. _  The third;  _ Why did I ever do this with anyone else?   _ The fourth and fifth were drowned out by the stunning realization that the shy touch of a tongue could be erotic and not overwhelming.  The rest blurred together as he found himself mouthing greedily at his best friend, lost in the taste of him.  It wasn’t pristine; between Hux’s damp oatmeal-breath and the oreo crumbs littering Kylo’s teeth and the oh-shit-I-smell-like-an-ashtray realization Kylo had after a moment he worried that Hux would never want to do this again.  But the kiss grew until they pawed at one another like horny teenagers, fitting themselves in awkward positions just to ease the meeting of their mouths.  Kissing could be addictive, Kylo realized with shock.  He pulled away, panting heavily.

“Is this-- is this okay?  Why the fuck does this feel so good?”

He felt as if his self-control had gone out with the tide and Hux was pulling him firmly back to shore, guiding him to safer ground.

  
  
  


Hux tipped his head back and laughed, not to make fun but out of overwhelming joy, his entire mind and body alight with something he didn't realise he'd been missing until now. It was the last piece of a puzzle, it was the high score, it was the perfect sunrise. It was the little blank spot somewhere in him that was slowly being filled up, turning everything to gold.

"It's more than okay and I'm guessing it feels good because you've just realised you like boys too. Congratulations, Kylo, you're bisexual. Now give me another kiss. Second opinions are important." And that soft, yielding mouth was on him again, hot and slow and lazy now that the awkwardness was burned away like an obscuring mist, leaving the vista before them crystal clear.

Everything slotted together perfectly this time, Hux weighted down by Kylo's solidity, mouths aligned just so, Kylo's hands finding Hux's and threading their fingers together. Hux let his eyes fall closed as he lost himself to the kiss and realised that there was so much between them already that this was easy to fall into. There was no wondering if one would break the other's heart, there was no threat of infidelity or an inevitable break up. They were friends first and foremost and that would last no matter what. Every bad thing would be weathered together and they'd just be closer for it, like always.

When Kylo's mouth moved lower, finding the spot just under Hux's chin that made him whine, Hux let the words come as they would, now that their souls were bared. There was no shame between them, nothing to be afraid of. "Give it to me again, Ky. Let me, please?" Hux tugged at Kylo's t-shirt, wanting it off so that he could sink his nose into that wonderful scent with nothing in the way.

  
  


 

“I don’t know what I am,” Kylo said.  “But girls don’t taste like this.”

He divested himself of his shirt and lay back with a goofy grin on his face, baring his underarms.  He refused to give his hangups a say in this.  Hux wanted it and so he would have it because he would never deny Hux anything.  He let Hux tip forward and then playfully pushed his face in, his cock so hard at the surprised moan it earned him that he worried he might come in his pants.  Kylo held him there just so, his, fingers kneading in coppery hair, and his own nose basking in the scent of arousal that drifted up between them.

“Fuck,” he whispered, because there was nothing else to say.  He threw his head back with a startled cry as Hux’s tongue made contact with the sensitive surface.  Oh fuck.  What was this?  He closed his eyes and trembled violently, precome glazing the inside of his shorts.

  
  
  


Getting pressed right up into Kylo's armpit was the most pleasant surprise Hux had yet, moaning against hot, salty skin and not even pausing to consider his actions before his tongue was dragging through drenched hair. Never before was Hux able to indulge in his dirty little interest, too afraid to ask his rare paramours, and even more afraid to find a hookup in some dive bar. All he had was those little hints of Kylo on his bath towel, on the sofa where he would sling his arm across the back of it, the occasional shirt left where it shouldn't be, and on those treasured nights when Kylo would fall asleep next to him, against him, on him. Now that he had everything he could have possibly imagined and so much more, Hux gave in completely.

"You're fucking amazing, you bastard. You infuriating, delicious- " The hand in Hux's hair was a gentle pressure, enabling him to savour everything, fingers stroking tenderly and making Hux squirm. Dragging his tongue through the valley where Kylo's scent was the strongest, Hux didn't let up until he was halfway up his inner arm, chest to chest and reaching down with one hand to adjust his swelling cock through his jeans.

"Ky, you're going to hate me, but I'm getting hard. Either we stop or I'm going to embarrass myself." Hux gave a nervous laugh against Kylo's arm, green eyes half open as he peeked at Kylo's face to gauge his reaction. He was surprised to see such open desire on his friend's features. "I mean… it's probably already something of a shock to realise you like boys, but having your best friend confess to liking your fantastic scent and getting aroused by it must be a little weird. Just give me five minutes in the tent by myself and I can, you know."

  
  
  


“Can I watch?”

Here was new territory and he didn’t understand it.  He didn’t know what to do at all.  And so he asked like a creep and immediately turned red from the shame of it.

“Or can I… just… I want to see what you do.  What you like.  I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, feeling horribly inadequate.  Why would Hux want to do that in front of someone who didn’t even know how to please him.  

He tried again,  “If you could… with your face there… would it help?  I could watch.  Figure out what to do.  And you could smell me,” he finished lamely.  He laughed a little because he wanted to cry.  None of it made sense but he so desperately wanted to be the catalyst that pushed Hux over the edge.  He wanted to be the reason he came.

  
  
  


Shock hit Hux and it translated to a heavy throb in his cock as he pictured himself laid out on the sleeping bags, clothes half off, cock in hand while Kylo lay next to him, arm crooked up and inviting Hux close. He groaned loudly and leaned in to devour Kylo's mouth, the kiss almost ferocious in its intensity. Teeth tugged at Kylo's lower lip, pulling gently before sucking on it, another kiss making Kylo whine into his mouth.

"It's one of my stupid fantasies. How could you even know?" He was fully, achingly hard now, Hux barely able to keep from palming himself right there in front of Kylo. "I want that, fuck I want it so bad. Are you sure?"

  
  


 

In response Kylo stood and pulled him into his arms, tugged at him, inviting Hux to wrap his legs around his waist so he could carry him into the tent.

He laid him out on the soft spread of Hux’s sleeping bag and gently unzipped his trousers for him.  “I don’t know how to…”  He shook his head and lay beside him, eagerly tucking Hux’s smaller body against his.  Hux shoved off the restrictive clothing and took himself in hand as Kylo turned invitingly, lifting his arm in a keen offer.

“Go ahead.  Take what you need from me.  And would you… would you come against me?  So I can feel it.” He flushed again at the request and kicked off his own pants, comfortable in the sleek pair of form fitting boxers he wore but not quite ready to bare himself in case he did something wrong.  He wrapped an arm loosely around Hux so he would feel secure and closed his eyes, waiting for the teasing prod of Hux’s nose; for the soft sounds of stroking that would accompany it.

  
  
  


Being lifted up so easily made Hux's stomach flip. He knew Kylo would be able to feel how aroused he was and he refused to think about it any more. He wanted, Kylo wanted, and they would have it. He kissed Kylo through the short walk, not wanting to part as he was eased down to the sleeping bag. Kylo's hand tugging at his jeans made Hux cry out as his knuckles brushed against the hard line of flesh just below.

"You don't have to ah- do anything. Just...oh christ, Ky..." He was already shoving his jeans and his boxers down far enough to pull his cock out, hissing at his own touch as he turned, grinding his face into the yielding curve of Kylo's arm. What Kylo suggested was so much more than Hux could ask for, his free hand pawing at Kylo's waist and tugging him closer, mouthing at salt-sharp skin.

"You want me to...ah, fuck!" Being enveloped against Kylo's bulk was the perfect mix of comfortable and arousing, the scent of him caught in the space between them, the closeness telling Hux that this was accepted and wanted and encouraged. His other hand moved fast and tight on himself, the head of his cock brushing against Kylo's abdomen and leaving slick smears on his skin. Mouthing his way across Kylo's chest, Hux lapped at every bit of skin before dragging his tongue over the other musky patch of hair, biting down and sucking gently and groaning as it sent little tingles along his tongue.

There was no way he would last more than a couple of minutes like this. His eyes closed as his orgasm crested, Hux letting go with a helpless cry and covering Kylo's belly with his release. In his post orgasmic haze, Hux was certain this was the best one he'd had in his entire life. Slumping back down, Hux mumbled breathlessly against Kylo's chest, nose nuzzling against it. "Thank you, Ky. You have no idea what that meant to me."

  
  
  


Kylo watched, speechless with arousal as Hux brought himself to orgasm right in his arms.  He slipped a finger down to drag it across the semen coating his stomach and brought it tentatively to his own lips.  It tasted strange but not terrible; salty and a bit pungent.  It tasted like Hux smelled sometimes.  He reached down against and let his fingers trail between Hux’s thighs, careful not to touch his flaccid cock.  He didn’t know if he could do that yet.  Instead he swiped a bead of sweat from between his legs and brought that to his mouth, too.  That tasted even better, so sharp and so flavorful that Kylo caught himself attempting to rut against Hux’s leg.

“I want to lick between your legs,” he admitted, “the inside of your thighs where you sweat.  I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.  See?  How good you taste?”

He ran his finger over Hux’s lips and smiled in surprise at the way his friend sucked on it while leveling him with a penetrating gaze.   
  


  
  


Watching Kylo lap come off his fingers made Hux's stomach drop and if he hadn't just gotten off, he knew he'd be ridiculously hard. Just the sight of those supple lips gleaming with his seed made Hux groan, but it was the tentative hand sliding down between his thighs that had him shifting, pushing jeans and boxers down to allow more gentle touches. Kicking them the rest of the way off, Hux was left only in his t-shirt and socks as he lifted his leg up to rest on Kylo's hip.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. You can do anything you want." He could feel Kylo’s erection against his hip and when that wet fingertip pressed against his lips, Hux lapped at his own sweat and hummed as he took it into his mouth. In the back of his mind, Hux was overwhelmed by everything that was happening and he knew he'd need to think about it, to process all of it, but later. For now they would explore each other in this new way, finding out yet another aspect of the friendship and how deep it went.

  
  
  


Kylo slid down between his legs and pushed them apart a little, kissing the inside of his thighs like he'd done to a girl once, except she'd smelled flowery like perfume and strangely sanitary and he'd been afraid to get too close to the flushed petals between her legs.

Hux reeked of sex down here, and with each kiss he grew bolder until he was brushing his lips against the curve of his ass from underneath and dipping a curious tongue so close to the crevice that it scared him a little.  Was this good?  Weird?  Gross?  The scent here nearly overpowered him and he wanted to bury his face in it.  His rational brain recoiled from the thought even as his arousal peaked.  He wasn't yet ready to put his mouth on the secret spot from which the scent emanated so he settled for nibbling at tender skin before pulling back with a little groan.  

"You smell amazing.  I could rub my face in it forever," he said in wonder.  He pulled Hux down a little so he could wrap his arms around his waist and kiss his belly.  

"Everything feels good.  Is there some way we could do things without... without going inside?"  

He pressed his face into that soft stomach, letting it comfort him.  Already fearful of the request.  

  
  
  


The first touch of Kylo's lips to the inside of Hux's right thigh had him moaning. It had been so long since he'd been touched like this that the tender offering was enough to set his cock filling out again as he turned to lie on his back, inviting Kylo closer. Kylo’s hot breaths and shy little tongue had Hux writhing, finding a dirty little thrill in those hesitant kisses and licks, knowing it was the first time Kylo had done this to a man. When Kylo moved up to the crease of Hux's thigh he cried out, clamping his hand over his mouth even though they didn’t need to worry about neighbours here. He was so sensitive there and he couldn't stop how vocal he'd get with a mouth on his ass, and Kylo was so close.

When Kylo pulled back, Hux was a little disappointed but he wouldn't press. This was for Kylo to discover himself and for Hux to guide him gently, to be there with him as they re-learned each other. Looking down at Kylo, Hux let his hand wind in those beautiful dark locks, pushing them back to study his face, wanting to make sure he was okay. "There are so many things to do without penetration. Hands, mouth, you could just grind up against me while I hold you, kinda like what you did for me."

The feel of Kylo's stubble against his belly made Hux giggle softly as he tugged lightly on Kylo's hair. "Come up here, let me show you..." When Kylo shifted, Hux could feel the length of him trapped under his boxers and groaned. It was probably for the best they'd be doing this as Kylo was definitely bigger than Hux's previous partners and they had neither lube nor condoms. Reaching down, Hux slipped his fingers under the waistband of Kylo's boxers, teasing at the trail of hair and meeting Kylo's eyes. "May I?"

  
  
  


“Okay,” Kylo murmured, bumping his forehead against Hux’s for reassurance.  “Okay.  Show me how.”

His heart skipped at the tender touch and he feared he might somehow faint from this.  If it had been anyone but Hux he would have lost his nerve but Hux would never hurt him.  

  
  
  


It was longer than his hand from his wrist to the tip of his middle finger, Hux noticed as he palmed Kylo's length, biting his lip to keep from moaning as he pushed the waistband down with his other hand and freed Kylo's cock to slip it between his thighs. Tightening his legs together, Hux grinned when Kylo gasped softly, his eyes widening for a moment before falling closed. "See? There's so much we can do." When Kylo gave a tentative thrust, Hux encouraged him with a hand to the small of his back, fingertips just barely brushing over the swell of his cheeks.

"Yeah, just like that." Hux could feel himself hardening slowly again, feeling that impossibly big cock sliding between his legs and Kylo's breath hot against his face. The friction proved to be a little much and Hux put a hand on Kylo's chest, pausing him. "Wait a sec, let me just..." He spat into his hand and reached down again, slicking Kylo's cock up and swearing under his breath when his fingers only barely met around the widest part of him. "You're fucking ridiculous, you know that?" Kylo just grinned and kissed Hux with a desperation that left him reeling. The thrusts were smoother now and the sounds Kylo made went right to Hux's cock as the heat between them built up a new layer of sweat.

"Ky, I wanna..." When Kylo tipped them back on their sides to raise his arm up, Hux groaned and dove in, his own hips meeting Kylo's thrusts, his cock rubbing up against tight abdominal muscles.

  
  
  


The feel of another man’s hand on his cock brought him nearly to tears.  Humiliating, how quickly he’d come undone.  When Hux quipped about his length he could only favor him with a smile, kissing him over and over again until they panted against one another’s mouths.  He happily offered his underarms to Hux again and sighed at the insistent press of his lips there.  This was good, hard work, rubbing himself between tensing thighs as the pressure built.  As he hovered at the edge he turned his face to Hux’s ear.

“You’re so sweet,” he whispered, “Fuck, Midge, you make me so... hot....”

He cried out in his climax, the grueling pace pushing him to the point of collapse before he drifted back to himself.  The feeling of bliss that flooded him receded to be replaced by crippling doubt.

“Is this okay?  Are we okay?  C-can we do this?  Are you sure you want to do this with me?”

  
  
  


As amazing sights went, Kylo blowing his load in the tight space between Hux's thighs had to rank in the top ten at the very least. Flushed cheeks, furrowed brows, dark eyes no longer able to stay open of their own volition, kiss-red lips wrapped around deep moans, sweaty skin glistening, and his pulse hammering just below the skin of his neck were burned into Hux's mind forever, another cherished memory of his best friend joining the thousands before.

"This is good, Ky. All of it is good and we can do anything you want. I promise I'll never judge you, yeah?" Both hands cupped Kylo's face and brought him in for a sweet kiss, foreheads bumping together and noses brushing in soft reassurance. "I can't imagine anyone I'd rather do this with. And you, are you okay? Do you need to be left alone to think about stuff?"

  
  


 

“I don’t want to be alone but I’m not sure I’m ready for… other stuff.”  He searched Hux’s face, afraid of what he’d find at the admission.  Hux pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, reassuring him.  It would be okay.  He could think about it.  They had the week and then when they got home they would…

A jolt of panic had him sitting upright.  A look of wounded surprise crossed Hux’s face before he tentatively asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I have to smoke,” Kylo stammered.  He left the tent and fished around for the half-empty pack among his belongings.  He could barely get the lighter to catch and then he was taking quick drags, fingers shaking.

Home.  They would have to go home and then.  And then…

Memories of senior year homecoming year flashed through his mind.  He sat with Hux in the back of the gym and drank Gatorade with cheap vodka dumped right into the bottle.  That fucking mouth-breather, Mike Varga, walking past with his shitty girlfriend, muttering a slur under his breath at both of them.  And Hux turning to Kylo almost in slow motion, like in a dream, the words in Kylo’s ears before Hux even formed them.

_ “Who did you tell?” _

He shook his head in horror; would take Hux’s secret to the grave if he never went public with it.  Mike Varga was just one asshole among millions.  He didn’t know anything, he just threw the word around at any guy he wanted to because that was the kind of fuck-up he was.  Kylo wanted to explain it but the words wouldn’t come and the look of deep mistrust that crossed his friend's face for a moment made him want to punch a hole in the wall.  For all the Mike Vargas of the world; an unlimited parade of them and Hux with nothing between him and them but Kylo-- one hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet and as useless as a paper roof in a storm.

Now he was bigger and stronger but so were they.  And instead of a shield he would make Hux a larger target.

He ground the cigarette under his heel, sat down in the dirt, and put his head in his hands.


	3. Chapter 3

It was clear that Kylo did in fact want to be alone; possibly even needed it just to sort things out in his head. Sitting up and gathering his clothes, Hux tugged them back on and flopped down on the sleeping bag. With his hands folded behind his head he stared up at the ceiling of the tent and sighed. If he were to be honest with himself, he needed his own time to go through this new development between them. There were things to think about and analyse, and now that his head was a little clearer he could second guess himself properly.

In order of importance, they were inseparable as best friends went. Nothing could come between them and if it did, it was temporary, sorted out with a burst of emotion to get those out of the way, the parting of ways for an hour or five so as to not escalate the situation, and then the calm rationale that followed allowing for an objective discussion. They knew how to work things out and that was what had kept them together for so long. Next came the fact that neither could imagine living with another person no matter how tempting it would be to live in a communal house with other students to keep the rent down. Hux rolled his eyes but put up with Kylo's complete disregard for order and neatness and Kylo put up with Hux's picking and fussing over little things that mattered to no one but him. Living together was the only logical option and neither of them would have it any other way. Then there was this.

Hux sat up again and crawled over to their supplies, rummaged through one of the bags until he found his stash of protein bars, grabbed the mint chocolate chip one, and tore open the wrapper. Glancing out of the open entryway, Hux could see Kylo crouched down and looking lost, smoking his cigarette down to the filter before pressing the butt into the dirt and then rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyes. He knew Kylo was trying not to cry, this was his way of being strong and Hux let him have it without a word. It was the least he could do.

This new thing between them deserved to be given careful thought. It was perhaps not as new as Hux originally thought now that he could sort through it, realising that his attraction to Kylo had been a trembling, tiny thing that he kept between his ribs for protection, not letting it out for fear that it would be crushed, unseen and undiscovered. He wasn't sure when it started, only that it was gradual and so subtle that Hux didn't even realise it the first time he watched Kylo kiss a girl. The feeling was unlike any he'd experienced, his entire body hollowed out and turned to glass and howling winds barely held together by paper skin. The chills that overtook him had Hux spending the next day in bed, followed by a fever that led to being discovered huddled in the tub pounded by ice cold water. Looking back, he’d assumed it was just a random bout of the flu but now he knew better.

Tossing the wrapper back into the bag, Hux took a calming breath and walked outside to stand in front of Kylo, leaning down to slide his fingers through his hair. It was a familiar gesture, one that Hux would unconsciously end up doing when they watched movies together and Kylo would lie with his head in Hux's lap. The calm that settled over them while Hux let his fingers slide through satin smooth hair was their sanctuary from the world outside, something that they shared in the small hours in the dark, knowing that they would always have it. When red-rimmed eyes looked up at him, Hux felt his heart break a little, wanting to take away the pain he was responsible for.

"How long, Ky? How long have you wanted this?"

  
  


Kylo cleared his throat noisily and pulled Hux down to sit on the ground so he could lie with his head in his lap.  He wasn’t going to fucking cry again.  He was a grown man, for chrissakes.  With a deep breath he began.

“When you told me about you.  I knew but I didn’t want to know.  I mean… I was afraid.”  He sniffed and realized he was wiping his nose on Hux’s shirt but he was too distraught to care.

“Those fucking assholes we went to school with.  I thought they would hurt you.  And I couldn’t protect you, I couldn’t even protect myself.  You were good at school and you had your shit together, you know?  You were okay.  But if it was both of us...  I thought if I wasn’t like you I could keep you safe.  I don’t know why.  It just made sense.  So I told myself I was just confused because you were my best friend.  And when Betty Koppel wanted to go to prom with me I said okay and she seemed cool and I thought everything was fine.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.  It hadn’t been fine.  It had been an anxious and confusing night and he’d gotten ribbed by some of her friends about it; jokes about him being a virgin because she wasn’t.  And she had expected him to want a blow job and when he chickened out at the last moment she didn’t push but she looked at him like he was crazy.  She didn’t push but it all changed so quickly.  Kylo didn’t think it was her fault, anyway.  Later, when he recalled her parted lips caked with dark red lipstick and the troubled look in her hazel eyes he had the sobering thought that maybe she was doing what she thought she was supposed to do, too.

“I was so angry because I couldn’t protect you.  Fuck.  I couldn’t protect you from the things they said.  Even now… I think I could take a guy in a fight but then I think, I can’t be there all the time.  And if it’s both of us, Midge… if it’s both of us…”  

He trailed off, his voice straining.  Maybe Hux would understand.  Or he would know that Kylo was a coward now.  Deep down _he_ knew he was a coward.

  
  


The tears came before Hux even registered he was crying, his vision flooding and then spilling over, quiet and unstoppable. His hand kept moving in gentle, comforting strokes as Kylo talked, feeling every word burn a hole into him until there was nothing left but ashes. Years. Years of Kylo thinking he had to be something he wasn't, this martyrdom of body and mind, sacrificed for the person he loved-- was in love with-- and Hux had no idea until now. Years of denying himself, of fooling himself, of inadvertently hurting other people so no one would hurt Hux. Years of being together but so far apart, all because Kylo cared about Hux more than he cared about his own needs and wants. Because he loved Hux, he chose to protect him from everyone who might hurt him, including himself.

And Hux listened to this confession that reached so far back and burned so bright, this torch that Kylo had carried which illuminated everything around him but left him in shadow. He listened and ached for all of the women that Kylo had dated in his misguided devotion, ached for all those moments like this, knowing that every gentle touch given was a wound inflicted, a reminder of something Kylo couldn't, wouldn't have. He ached for the nights of Kylo's binge drinking after he broke off yet another unsatisfying relationship, knowing that if only they had been together, Kylo would never have suffered like that. He ached with the depth of those years, every little moment coming back like an accusation, like a knife through his heart.

Tears dripped from his chin, slid down his neck, soaked his t-shirt and still Hux didn't make a sound, couldn't speak. There were too many words to say and none of them would be enough. Silence then, for a little longer.

"Thank you." His voice was waterlogged and quiet and his hands trembled as they stroked Kylo's hair, his head tipping back to look up at the faultless blue sky above. "Everything you've done for me, Ky… there's no way I can repay you for it, nothing will ever be enough. I can't protect you the way you've protected me, but I can be there when you need me, in all the ways I have been, and now one more. If you'll have me."

  
  


“I’m scared,” Kylo said quietly.  “I’m so scared it won’t be enough.  You said people couldn’t hurt you with words but you’re lying.  They hurt you so badly.  That’s why you’re afraid to open up.”

He took a shuddering breath and awkwardly slipped an arm around Hux.

“When my mom made me go to therapy I talked about you.  All the time.  The therapist was probably sick of hearing about it.  I told her how much I envied you because no one could get past your barriers.  But I was behind them with you, wasn’t I?”

Kylo paused for a moment and turned something over in his head.

“And I’m not telling you these things for you to internalize them and feel sorry for me.  I’m only telling you so you know.  You deserve so much more than I can give you.”

  
  


"Too late." The laugh was heavy with tears and Hux dragged his hand across his face to wipe away the wetness, willing himself to stop crying. It never did any good except to ease the pressure a little, but in the end, Hux knew he could never be good enough for Kylo. Not after learning this.

"And yeah, there was never any doubt in my mind that you were the only one that got past my barriers. No idea how, but you've always been clever that way." Once he was certain the tears had stopped, Hux tipped his head down to look at Kylo, that familiar sight of him resting his head on Hux's thighs couldn't be more perfect. "You've always been enough for me, Ky. Why would I go out of my way to hook up with people who will just let me down sooner or later? It's not like I needed anyone else to talk to or hang out with, you've always been that for me. I could wake you up at three in the morning with some dumb existential crisis and you'd just hold the blankets open for me. No one else would do that for me. If I didn't feel like staying in, you'd always come with me, even if I felt like just walking through the damn park in the middle of the night. You'd always volunteer to go to the store if I was out of something. You'd bring me home when I was sick and forced myself to go to class." Hux sighed and stared in wonder at the man in his lap, thinking about all of those little details again and how they were pulling him back together and suturing the wounds shut. "You're everything, Ky. You've always been."

  
  


Kylo finally stood up and made a token effort to straighten his hair, to wipe at his eyes.

“We could try it,” he said, holding out a hand to Hux, who let himself be pulled up alongside him.  He kept Hux’s smaller hand in his as he walked them towards the lake.  It shimmered in the midday sun.  “But I don’t think we can go back to how it was before.  You know?  And your music still sucks.”

Hux broke into a loud laugh that set Kylo alight with a flicker of warmth.  He wanted to kiss that stupid perfect mouth again and again but he wasn’t sure how to start.  He settled for bringing Hux’s hand to his lips and kissing it reverently.  

“I really don’t know what I’m doing,” he said finally.  “Everything we do feels right.  But I’m going to be  bad at this until I figure it out.  You’re just going to have to deal with my awkward bullshit.  Do you want to uh, go swimming with me?  I just thought it might help me relax.  I’m kind of in a bad headspace right now.”

  
  


That was the one thing that would never fail to bring him out of his low moods, Kylo being a jerk and making him laugh. It was the jarring shift that worked for Hux, just like the gentle coaxing and reassurance was what worked for Kylo. They knew each other with an intimacy that none of their romantic interests ever had and it suited them just fine.

"We're both going to be figuring things out, aren't we? I'm sure the learning curve won't be a problem for us since we've already been together for what… two hundred years?" They walked to the lake shore hand in hand and for the first time and Hux didn't feel his palms itch or sweat nor did he feel the need to douse them in sanitiser like he did with everyone else. It felt, for all the corny connotations, like they were meant to be together in every way.

They stood at the edge of the lake that spread out before them glittering in the mid-day sun, calm and blue, with their fingers unwilling to let go just yet. The quietest moments between them were usually the closest and if they were quiet enough at just the right time, it was almost as if one could hear the other inside his mind. They undressed without shame, comfortable in each other's presence, their hands finding one another again as they stepped into the cool water.

Silt squished between his toes and Hux let out a laugh, shivering as they waded deeper until the water was up to their hips. He turned to face Kylo, those dark, brooding eyes staring off into the middle distance, brows drawn together. "Hey, Asshole." A gentle squeeze to Kylo's fingers shook him out of his own head and he turned to look at Hux with something unreadable in his expression. That was it, really, the unknown that stretched out ahead of them, wild and unpredictable and fraught with trials. Hux knew they'd get through them like they always had and come out the other side a little closer for it. A smile tilted Hux's lips and went up to his eyes, pale green and shining with a promise.

"I love you."

  
  


For the first time since their awkward exploration Kylo knew exactly what to do.  He slipped his arms around Hux’s waist and leaned in for a kiss, using what he’d learned from their first successful attempt and slowly deepening it until they clung to one another, breathless.

“I love you _more_ , Idiot,” he murmured against Hux’s lips before brushing their noses together.  “Now help me clean up so I can get dirty again.”  He grinned when Hux lifted a brow and impulsively shoved him backwards, laughing when Hux came up sputtering and angrily splashing him.

  
  


It was just like that night when they snuck into the neighbour's pool, both of them splashing and kicking and playing around and then when they tired of that, floating on their backs, surrounded by trees and mountains and sunlight. Hux let the events of the day play over in his mind, trying to figure out if it could have gone differently, if maybe he should have kept his secret forever and none of this would have happened, that they should have been happier in their ignorance. The conclusion he came to was that was a big load of rubbish and he had absolutely no regrets over the outcome.

"I probably should have put sunblock on. I'm going to get burned so I expect you to put aloe cream on me." Kylo's reply was a grunt, which clearly meant yes. "And it means I'll not want to wear more than my boxers. Like that one summer we fell asleep in the back yard after the water balloon fight. I barely got dressed for four days. You would just put cream all over my back and arms and legs every day you were over. Your hands were so gentle." It was a fond memory, and when Hux looked over at Kylo, he was smiling serenely with his eyes closed and his arms outstretched. "They still are."

Eventually their fingers and toes began to wrinkle from being waterlogged and Hux could already feel his skin getting tight and a little too warm so they made their way back to the shore. Once in the tent, they dried off and Kylo was already digging for the cream in Hux's backpack, producing the economy sized tube with a smirk.

"Hey, if you had my complexion, you'd have brought a gallon jug of it." When Kylo waved him over to the sleeping bags, Hux went willingly, lying on his back and watching with open admiration as Kylo straddled his thighs. They were both still naked and there was no hiding his reaction, Hux blushing hot when Kylo's big hands started smoothing the cream on his chest and belly. "Just ignore that, okay? I'm too tired and burnt to do anything anyway." Once Hux was properly tended to, Kylo simply laid down next to him and they both fell asleep almost immediately.

  
  


Kylo woke to the sunset, his stomach growling.  He gazed at Hux for a moment, fascinated by the way he lay sprawled on his back, softly snoring.  The pull to reach out and touch him grew so strong that he had to force himself to leave the tent or risk waking him.

Outside the evening wind ruffled his hair and chilled his bare skin.  He pulled on his old pair of jeans and the black hoodie he’d offered to Hux.  After a makeshift meal of beef jerky and a handful of raisins he went for a brisk jog along the lake, his soaked sneakers protesting the entire way.

When he’d worked up a good sweat he headed back to camp, stripped naked, and fished three bottles of water out of the cooler in their tent.  The first he finished in a few gulps and the second he took his time with.  The third he rolled towards Hux before cuddling close enough for that unruly red hair to tickle his chin.  And then he waited.

 

 

 

Distantly, Hux could hear movement: the tent entrance opening and falling shut, the plastic snick of a bottle being opened, then a second one, Kylo's soft sigh, the rustle of fabric. Drifting in that liminal state of not wanting to wake up but unable to sink back into sleep, Hux contented himself to lie there with his eyes shut a little longer, enjoying the feel of cooler air, which meant it was probably evening. It was the dual sensation of a warm body shifting next to him and the heady scent of Kylo's salty heat that had his eyes fluttering open. Rolling towards Kylo, Hux pushed his face right into the shallow dip between his pectorals and breathed in deeply.

"How do you manage to smell so good even after a bath and a nap? It's really not fair." Another slow inhale and Hux flopped onto his back again, his hand hitting a bottle wet with condensation. Lifting himself up on an elbow, he picked up the bottle and looked at Kylo. "Mine?" When Kylo nodded, Hux opened it and drained the whole thing greedily before tossing the empty in the direction of their bags. Resuming his previous spot pressed up against Kylo's chest, Hux slid an arm around his waist and slotted their legs together. He was pleasantly surprised to realise his sunburn wasn't as bad as he feared, only a minor discomfort that would be eased away with more aloe cream. Hux tilted his face up with a grin and reached for the tube next to his head.

"Please?"

  
  


“I might have worked up a sweat jogging,” Kylo said with an easy smile.  He couldn’t quite bring himself to admit that he’d done it just for Hux but maybe he’d figured that out already.  The aloe was cool on his fingers as he massaged it into Hux’s back while he held him and then turned him on to his stomach so he could rub his legs.  As his hands worked their way towards the lightly freckled backs of his thighs he pressed a shy kiss just under his ass; the same spot Hux had reacted to favorably when Kylo had dared to lick it earlier.  

Every touch here was new territory and he tread carefully, afraid of overstepping his boundaries.  Kissing was amazing and every place Hux touched him seemed to hum, electrified with pleasure.  How could be sure it was the same for both of them?

“This okay, Midge?” he murmured, cupping his cheeks and rubbing aloe in with his thumbs.

  
  


The gentle massage lulled Hux towards a doze, but it was the scent that shook him back to wakefulness, Hux keeping his head lowered to breathe in the humid space between them, taking deep lungfuls of fresh sweat and the full, rich scent of Kylo himself. It was an open circuit from his nose to his cock, the aroma sending a pulse of want through him, his cock twitching to life between them. Fortunately, Kylo was already maneuvering Hux onto his belly and at least that way he could get a furtive bit of friction and hide his desire at the same time.

Except for the fact that Kylo chose to linger over the sensitive backs of his thighs, and even worse, decided to bestow a little kiss just under his ass where the sensation shot another wave of arousal through him. Hux barely registered the question when Kylo began to massage his backside, his hips shifting ever so slightly in order to push his hardening cock against the sleeping bag.

"Yeah, that's good, your hands are amazing." The next slow knead brought Kylo's thumbs closer to his cleft and Hux hand to shove his fist against his mouth to keep from making a needy sound. What was worse, even though his body was convinced that it was better, was that each firm press encouraged him to rut against the fabric, his cock filling out until he was completely hard and panting against his knuckles. "Ky..." He wasn't certain if he was asking for Kylo to stop or to keep going, but the needy tone in his voice couldn't be disguised as easily as his reaction.

  
  


“What do you need from me?”

He turned Hux over, revealing his erection.  

“God, how you blush.” he said with an appreciative little sigh.

Keeping his eyes on Hux he reached out to rub the flat of his palm against the leaking tip, something he’d enjoyed doing to himself sometimes.  Hux closed his eyes and groaned a little.  Emboldened, Kylo grasped the head in his hand and ran his thumb over it while he squeezed just enough to draw a reaction.  Once he’d established that this was not merely good but possibly really fucking good he waited for Hux’s eyes to close again and then pulled him into the vice of his armpit before he could protest, trapping his face there while he toyed with the head of his cock.

  
  


"Fuck." It was all Hux could manage, muffled against the salty, warm skin of Kylo's under arm and having his cock palmed, his hips rolling up to meet the gentle pressure. When Kylo thumbed at the head, Hux moaned, his tongue darting out to lap at musky skin. Getting caught up in this was too easy as Hux let himself give in, rutting against that big, enveloping hand and nosing further into the pure essence of Kylo's body.

Being allowed this dirty little indulgence made Hux realise just how much he actually did love his best friend. It was the kind of love that defied categories and definitions, something that transcended anything he'd ever experienced before. It had been there all along, it would be there through this and become even more a part of what they were. For now, it was purely visceral, an exploration of the physical and Hux was in his element.

Hands grasped and shoved, rolling them until Kylo was on his back and Hux was hovering above him, his face still pressed into damp skin and mouthing at it. Straddling slender hips, Hux could feel how hard Kylo was as he sat up, one hand reaching behind himself to take hold Kylo's cock and slot it between his cheeks. Holding it in place, Hux groaned at the feel of the head nudging against the small of his back, practically salivating at the thought of how deep that big cock would be once he got it inside himself. Leaning forward on his other hand, Hux began to grind back against it, green eyes half closed in pleasure as he felt the heat of it, precome making the movements more fluid as Hux met Kylo's shy expression.

"You have no idea how badly I want your ridiculous cock inside of me right now." Another roll of his hips had Kylo grabbing at them, Hux's cock heavy and leaking against Kylo's belly. "Do you want that too? Do you want to see me prep myself before sinking down on it? Want to see how stretched open I'd be on your cock, bouncing on it and moaning your name? Ah fuck, Ky- " Lifting himself a little higher, Hux pushed the thick, leaking head to rub against his hole, Kylo's hands gripping his hips even tighter, the look on his face caught between hesitation and desperation.

  


 

Kylo panted, overwhelmed by the sensation, and closed his eyes, letting it wash over him.

“Midge,” he said, stammering through suddenly dry lips.  “I…. ffffuck.”  He flushed, taken aback by the vulgar picture Hux painted.

“I think I want that, if you can be patient,” he said softly.  “I just want to be good for you.”  Kylo boldly reached down to stroke his own cock while Hux ground against it.  He genuinely couldn’t imagine what it would be like to push into that tight spot.  He’d never even seen it up close.  The thought excited him even as it terrified him.  What if he somehow hurt Hux?

“Come back here,” he said, wanting that close contact to soothe away any performance anxiety.  “Let me touch you.”  Hux went willingly into the circle of his arms and he tasted himself on those soft lips, filthy and rank and achingly delicious as Hux licked at the inside of his mouth.

“You know you can have whatever you want,” Kylo murmured against the base of his neck before biting his collarbone.  “I can’t stop thinking about sneaking into bed with you after a workout.  I wouldn’t even shower at the gym, I’d just crawl right under the covers.  You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he added with a grin.

  
  


Hux knew he was being greedy, wanton even. It had been so long and he couldn't help himself, knew he got vocal and suggestive when he was aroused, always muffling the moans and indecent phrases into his pillow, but with Kylo he felt safe giving voice to his desires. Kylo was right though, they should be patient, Hux especially since this was Kylo's first time with a man. As much as he wanted, he could hold himself back for a week, at the very least. Anything for his Ky.

The kiss sent a shiver down his spine. He’d forgotten to at least rinse his mouth out before kissing Kylo only to realise the Kylo didn't seem to mind his own bitter salt on Hux's tongue. This only made Hux deepen the kiss, moaning into it and pressing his cock into the valley of Kylo's abdominal muscles. The skin was already slick with precome and he slid against it easily, rolling his hips back to meet the thick heat nestled against his hole, teasing him mercilessly.

Hux nuzzled his way back down to the humid curve of one armpit and whining at the fact he had licked it clean, only to move to the other one to find what a thorough job he did of that side as well. There was another spot he ached to explore, wondering if it might be too much for Kylo to process if he asked. The urge to lick his way down the length of Kylo's salt laden body and bury his nose in the musk-rich thatch of dark hair made his cock throb. Glancing up from the haven of Kylo's arm, Hux could feel his face heating up all over again as implored him, his voice so terribly fragile. "Can I use my mouth on you? I want to. Please?"

  
  


Kylo shook with silent laughter as Hux inadvertently tickled his armpits and grinned at the request.

“You want to suck my cock?” he asked, trying not to giggle.  The experience had been surreal so far and he couldn’t help himself.  He’d actually always enjoyed that the few times his girlfriends had given it a shot.  Well, Marisol seemed to genuinely enjoy it too but now he wondered with a hint of remorse if it was simply because he’d been so into it.  It was nice to close his eyes and relax while being pleasured and really it could have been anyone’s mouth and…  oh.

“Go ahead,” he said with real affection.   

  
  


Hux shivered when permission was granted, mouthing his way down Kylo's body, lapping at skin and pushing Kylo's legs wide. Settling between them, Hux nipped at a sharp hipbone before kissing his way over to the trail of dark hair and the heavy cock that Hux pressed his cheek against. Just a tilt of his head and Hux pressed his face into the rich essence at the base of Kylo's cock, nosing into soft hair, his tongue darting out to taste. The first sharp, pungent inhale and bitter, musky taste had him groaning loudly, one hand wrapping around Kylo's cock and stroking it slowly. Turning his face, Hux nuzzled at the shaft, eyes closed and grinding his own cock against the sleeping bag.

"You smell so fucking good." Mouthing his way up to the head, Hux opened his eyes to find Kylo watching him intently, pupils blown wide and jaw slack. Giving him a tight upstroke, Hux watched  precome bead up at the tip before lapping it away and savouring the taste, lips closing around the head to tease at the slit. Pulling off with a wet sound, Hux licked his lips and grinned. "You taste good too."

  
  


Everything between Kylo’s waist and thighs felt as though it held an electric charge.  He’d expected a rough and dirty blowjob, and while this was certainly… _dirtier_ … than he’d ever experienced, Hux’s gentle hands and mouth disarmed him.

“I like the way you tease me,” he whispered, feeling self-conscious at the admission but hopelessly swayed by the fire in those piercing eyes.  He’d never wanted to be kissed and caressed as badly as he did right then.  Never wanted anyone to take their time enjoying him.

“Midge,” he said softly.  “I’m so hungry for you.”

  
  


Hearing Kylo's encouragement turned Hux wanton, his tongue wiggling under the foreskin and teasing at the sensitive skin beneath, grinning at Kylo's sharply inhaled breath. The downstroke exposed the head and Hux took to task eagerly, switching between long, slow sucks to teasing little flicks with the tip of his tongue, coaxing more fluid up and licking it away. His other hand strayed up to the juncture between thigh and pelvis and this thumb nudged at the perineum, making Kylo squirm.

It was going to take some getting used to as Kylo was quite possibly the most gifted partner he'd ever had but Hux was certain that with enough determination he'd be able to take the entire length down his throat. Hux's eagerness was matched by Kylo's responsiveness, both of them urging the other on with sighs and moans. When Hux felt Kylo's trembling hand in his hair he took a deep breath and went as far down as he could go, Kylo's guttural moan encouraging him to take even more. Even after having done an admirable job of suppressing his gag reflex, Kylo was of course the exception to his skill, Hux having to pull back with a shaky cough and tears in his eyes, a thick strand of spit glistening between his lower lip at the swollen head.

The look Kylo was giving him was worth it though, somewhere between awe and lust and a deep, abiding respect. If it was one thing Hux knew about himself it was that he was keenly motivated and goal oriented, and the next attempt sent him even closer to the musky salt scent that he adored. The gentle press against Kylo's perineum had his hips rolling up again, Hux moaning around his cock, encouraging him to thrust.

  
  


“Oh fuck!” Kylo cried when he pushed up against the back of Hux’s throat.  He’d never been taken in his entirety.  The wet heat of that eager mouth had him moaning and jerking his hips, caught in a war with himself as his body strove with single-minded ambition to take everything Hux gave and more while he fought to keep some composure and not cause unnecessary pain.

“Are you okay?”

Hux seemed to be enjoying himself tremendously and Kylo tugged at his hair as his thighs tensed with his impending orgasm.  Hux coaxed it from him with a skill that bewildered him.  He found himself buried to the root in Hux’s mouth and crying in ecstasy as he came, the hand in Hux’s hair tightening to a fist.  The orgasm shook him to the core and he flopped back against the bag, shivering.

“Fuck…. Oh fuck.”

His eyes grew heavy of their own accord and he felt as though he could sleep for a thousand years.

“C’mere... “ he begged Hux again, wanting to be covered by him; to be enveloped.  “Let me taste.”

  
  


Hux was a mess, he knew it; tears streaking his face, his cheeks flushed, sweat dotting his forehead, lips red and bruised, spit and come glistening on them, more of it dripping down his chin, panting from the exertion and grinning like an idiot. When Kylo beckoned to him, Hux went eagerly, crawling up to cover Kylo's mouth, devouring the seeking tongue and swallowing the hungry little sounds Kylo was making. His own cock throbbed heavily between his thighs, Hux reaching down to take himself in hand with quick, tight strokes.

"Don't stop kissing me, this won't take long." He was greedy like this, having managed to take Kylo all the way down and swallow his copious load. Hux chased his own release as their mouths moved slick and messy against each other.

  
  


Kylo didn’t have it in him to disobey.  He kissed Hux as though his life depended on the linking of their mouths; tasted himself on Hux’s skillful tongue and made a small sound of contentment.  Kylo couldn’t keep his hands off him, one caressed his face while the other stroked his back.  Drunk on lust and exhaustion he sucked gently at the plump lower lip offered to him and sighed, wanting nothing more than for Hux to find release in his arms again.  As his thumb traced a delicate cheekbone he wondered at how quickly he’d grown attached to a look of rapt pleasure on his best friend’s face.  How could he have gone so long without enjoying this with him.  He kissed the corners of Hux’s mouth and the tip of his nose; the underside of his jaw and his pulse point.  A string of nonsense words pushed up from his throat and he swallowed them back down, afraid to give up so quickly how completely Hux had claimed him.

  
  


Never before had Hux been kissed with such reverence, a tenderness that made him realise what had been lacking in every past relationship. This bond that they had for years brought a bone deep affection that could only come from knowing each other as well as they knew themselves in every way. The soft kisses along his jaw, the kisses with teeth and desire under his chin, the kisses that held promises and devotion suffusing his mouth with heat and quiet encouragements.

A deft twist on each upstroke brought Hux closer, his breath coming fast and shallow as he felt his release crest, moaning into the hungry kisses and spilling himself across Kylo's chest. Lips parted slick and bruised, Hux pressing their foreheads together as he came back to himself, panting and shivering with tiny aftershocks. A quiet laugh bubbled up, caught behind his teeth for a moment before he gave in, and soon they were both laughing, Hux flopping over to lie on his side.

"Sorry about the mess." He could hear how raw his voice sounded, felt the ache in his throat. One fingertip poked at the streaks of white on Kylo's body, dragging through it before licking it clean only to do it again with Kylo watching, fascinated.

  
  


“Don’t be sorry,” Kylo murmured.  He summoned the energy to roll over and wrestle a t-shirt from his stash of clothing.  Three more bottles of water rolled between them as he quietly took up his task; one for Hux to drink, one for him, and another to soak the shirt in so he could wipe Hux down from head to toe.  He took his time, wanting to show him the same gentleness he’d experienced.  When he had finished he zipped the sleeping bags together again and fit himself around Hux, naked this time.  He found that he couldn’t stop kissing the spot just below his ear and that his hands wanted to rest on that soft belly.  

Every time they touched his nerves sent a pleasant little jolt to his gut and groin; as though some secret place had been switched on inside him.  Hux turned in his arms and they shared a lazy kiss that had Kylo practically humming.

He wanted to tell him he loved him again but it seemed too raw and fresh.  Kylo settled for nuzzling his cheek and calling him _Bunting,_ like the little snow bird they saw out in the woods sometimes; delicate and lithe like Hux was.

  
  


Once his damp skin began to dry, Hux could feel how chilly it had gotten and was grateful for the double sleeping bag and Kylo's warmth around him. The slow, easy kisses they shared were unlike anything Hux had experienced after sex, which was usually getting dressed quickly and making excuses to leave. This was what he had been missing, but there were no others he had wanted to do this with.                                                                                           

The thought of dinner was appealing but Hux had no interest in leaving this comfortable lull, the closeness that he was beginning to get addicted to. When Kylo whispered a new pet name against his cheek, Hux laughed and shoved at a shoulder.

"Really, Ky? Does that make you a raven? You'd be a peacock if it wasn't for all the black."

  
  


Kylo swallowed the crude retort on his tongue and snuggled closer.  “You make me want to say the stupidest, corniest things,” he said.  “That’s all your fault.  If I weren’t so tired I’d hold you down and kiss that nasty fucking mouth of yours so neither of us could say anything dumb.”

What he really wanted was to somehow lock Hux into his arms and keep him there forever, always safe and within reach.  He and Hux had always belonged to one another on a level that they both understood but never voiced aloud.  Now he felt the strangest urge to make sure everyone else knew it too.

“I’m never going to let you go,” he said sleepily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features seriously unsafe sex and tooth-rotting fluff. That's all the warning you're gonna get.

When Hux finally succumbed to sleep Kylo wearily dressed and left the tent.  He fiddled with the camp stove until he had a sufficiently warmed pot of tomato soup and spooned it into an insulated thermos.  He put it on a small tray along with one of Hux’s protein bars and set it down next to him after grabbing a bottle of Sunny D for himself.

“Hey, Doofus, wake up,” he murmured against Hux’s neck before playfully gnawing on it.  Hux blinked and smiled and he couldn’t help smiling back.  “Dinner,” he said by way of explanation before cracking open the bottle and swallowing half the juice in one go.

They didn’t chat much while Hux ate and brushed his teeth after in silence.  

“I’m going to go back to sleep if that’s okay with you.  I’m still a bit worn out.”

“Sure.  I’m going to bank the fire.  I’ll be in later.”

The air seemed even chillier than the previous night and he blew on his hands before hastening to clean up the campsite.  And owl hooted softly in the distance, startling him.  He wondered idly if there were wolves in this part of the country.  It would be cool to see a wolf.  Yesterday they’d spotted a doe in the thick of the forest and Kylo had tried to snap a picture but by the time he figured out how to take the flash off it had vanished again.

Hux was a big nerd who knew the names of all the birds they spotted.  Kylo wouldn’t admit it but it impressed him a little.  Hux had always been big into the whole nature bit.  He would probably prefer to live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere; a little house he would design himself.  Maybe someday they could have a place like that to go on the weekends.  He blushed, realizing how terribly ahead of himself he’d gotten.  When they were just friends he could have mentioned it and they would talk about it like it was normal life.  But now that they were… together… it deserved more careful consideration.  Had it ever been normal life, though?  Spending all his free time with Hux?  Sleeping next to him?  Taking comfort in his touch?  These things had seemed so ordinary yesterday but maybe they weren’t ordinary at all.

He tried to imagine Hux taking Mitaka here instead of him, wondered if he would feel jealous.  The thought only left him with a pang of sadness.  Mitaka was a new variable; a brand new person who existed mostly in Hux’s own vision of him.  He might be good for Hux but Mitaka would have to learn him from the beginning; all the things he liked and disliked, the way he wanted his tea brewed and the way he liked to sleep in a cold room burrowed under a mound of blankets.  It was with a sense of pride that Kylo realized he already knew how to make Hux happy.  All he had to figure out was the other type of satisfaction; the one he’d chased fruitlessly for years before giving up on.  

A thought occurred-- one that excited him so much he had to stop himself from rushing back into the tent.  He did know something Hux liked and he wasn’t afraid to try it.  He’d done it Marisol once at her request.  It had been safe and sanitary with her and he hadn’t really minded because trying new things always led to the promise of finally finding the thing he could latch on to.  Thinking back on the act he realized that the thought of doing it to Hux filled him with a heady rush of desire.  It wouldn’t be sanitary but then, Hux liked it dirty. 

He found the tiny bottle of eighty-proof gin Hux kept in the first aid kit and took a swig of it, rinsing his mouth before spitting in the dirt.  Better than mouthwash.  Hux would kill him for the waste of good liquor, probably, but it tasted like being rammed in the throat with a pine tree so he wasn’t about to drink it.

When he removed his clothes and crawled back under the covers he was gratified to see that Hux had shifted in such a way that with the size of the double sleeping bag it would be easy enough to position himself without even waking him up.  He slipped inside and planted a soft kiss on the back of his thigh, and then another a bit higher, and then another…

  
  
  


The warm cocoon of heat that the double sleeping bag provided was incredibly productive to sleep on a chilly night and Hux was deep in a dream when that heat dissipated for a moment, sending a brief wash of goosebumps over his back. Suddenly in his dream it was winter, a barren snowscape stretching as far as he could see, and Hux dressed warmly in all black, standing at the top of a cliff overlooking the beginnings of something magnificent and sprawling, like destiny. Warmth again and the dream faded back to sunlight and blue water and laughter.

It began as a tickle before it bloomed into something softer, more insistent as Hux felt a gentle pressure on the backs of his legs, a humid warmth there interspersed with tentative nudges. He was reluctant to surface from the dream, clinging to sleep and letting the sensations trickle slowly into his semi-conscious state, little half-sighs and reedy mews pressed into the pillow he held on to. Wetness then, what felt like a tongue taking short licks against the incredibly sensitive spot just under his ass where it met his thigh and Hux moaned, not entirely sure if this was a dream or not, though it felt so real. He had dreams like that, the kind where he was certain he smelled food cooking or felt a hand on his back or the patter of rain on his face only to wake in his bed and laugh at himself.

If this was a dream, he was going to enjoy it as he let his legs slide apart and felt the heady throb of arousal curling in his belly. The sensation was pleasant and gentle; Hux letting his focus centre on the soft nudges and what felt like kisses to his inner thighs, his backside, hips and lower back. He ached for something he'd always wanted but never had the courage to ask of his lovers. While he had been more than eager to do it to them, he'd always felt a sliver of guilt for wanting it done on himself, knowing it was dirty and vulgar and wanting it that much more because of it. Here in his dream he could indulge. When his cock begin to fill out, pressed between his body and the floor, Hux could feel himself surfacing towards consciousness and fought it back, whimpering as he tried to cling to this precious little fantasy-dream. The slide of a tongue over the rise of a cheek had him moaning into the pillow, his body responding even more insistently.

  
  
  


Kylo grew hard at the first little whimper from Hux, enthralled by his sensitivity.  With an eagerness born of affection he nuzzled the inside of his thighs and explored the tender underside of his ass just to revel in the way Hux pushed back against him.  He knew Hux’s own smell intimately and if it was a bit more potent here, well, he could handle that too.  What he hadn’t expected was the ripe musk that lingered in his sweaty crack and how it teased his nostrils, promising something wonderful nestled between those impossibly soft cheeks.

He had a momentary flood of embarrassment over it.  Hux had incredibly clean habits; even carried hand sanitizer.  Kylo was the slob and yet he’d always shied away from even the slightest hint of body odor where sex was involved.  But here they were.  He honestly couldn’t tell if he were more aroused by Hux’s own arousal or if he’d just never appreciated what a man had to offer in this department.  Pushing the thoughts away he dove in, prying his cheeks apart to nuzzle between them.  The pungent stink of trapped sweat spurred him on, his tongue taking eagerly to the task and fluttering around the sensitive skin of his hole.  It smelled like sex and he groaned in appreciation, using his nose, lips, tongue and even the light press of chin stubble to torment the spot.  With his face buried in Hux’s crevice he let roaming hands tickle the backs of his thighs and stroke between them.  Hux wiggled beneath his fingers, moaning, and he couldn’t help but grin at the reaction, pausing to tenderly kiss the little hole as though he were making love to it.

 

 

Each wave of pleasure that rolled through Hux's body was bringing him closer to wakefulness, which made him realise that this wasn't a dream, that each warm breath and press of generous lips and nudge of a seeking nose wasn't all just being constructed by his dreamscape but was entirely real and truly happening, and for the life of him, Hux didn't know what to do. It felt too good not to roll his hips back and meet the slippery curl of a tongue, Hux parting his legs wider and clinging more tightly to his pillow, turning his face to muffle his vocalisations.

Then his conscious mind was online again and he came to the dreadful, mortifying realisation that he needed to wash and that he was quite possibly too unhygenic for this, certainly for someone who had quite possibly never done it before. Well, at least not to a man. Definitely not to a man who hadn't a proper bath with soap and hot water for almost two days. Just as Hux was about to reach a hand back to push Kylo away, that hedonistic tongue pushed in and Hux positively wailed.

Panting and trying to gather himself the best he could, Hux wanted to stammer out a plea for Kylo to stop, only to feel him press his tongue in again, deeper this time and Hux could feel the moan between his cheeks, resonating down through where thumbs were teasing at his perineum. "Ky wait, I..I'm filthy, you don't ha..have to, ohhh- " Hux was ashamed at the state of his body, especially for an act like this that should be as clean and sanitary as possible but that was also that very reason that had him pushing back and swearing into the pillow, hips lifting up slightly to adjust for his cock hardening fast enough to be almost painful. To know that Kylo was eating him out as sweaty and ripe as he was and doing it with more enthusiasm than most of his previous partners had showed for anything at all was what made Hux positively delirious.

  
  
  


“Is this okay, Midge?” Kylo asked, muffled a little by the bag.  He pulled the cover back and ran his fingers through his unruly hair, rested his chin on a soft thigh.  “Do you like this?”

He couldn’t help but squeeze Hux’s bottom in reassurance-- for him as well as Hux  What if he’d messed it up somehow?  “Am I doing something wrong?”

  
  
  


When Kylo stopped, Hux let out a cracked sob and lifted himself up on one elbow, looking over his shoulder. "It's amazing. You're amazing. I just..." He wasn't blushing before, but the eye contact did it, the look of pure adoration Kylo was giving him made Hux feel even more terrible for being as unclean as he was and in turn, more aroused.

"You're doing everything perfectly right, you've no idea how much I've wanted someone to do that to me, how long I've wanted it and you're so good to me." Ducking his head, Hux bit his lip and stared down at the wet spot on his pillow where he had been biting at it to stifle his moans, his voice shy. "I'm not too...dirty for you?"

  
  
  


“You’re the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted,” Kylo admitted before offering soothing kisses along his crevice.  He playfully bit down on the underside of a cheek, paused to watch the spot redden, and licked at it.  The aroma coming off Hux’s spit-glistening hole drew him back in to play at it with his tongue.  With a throaty giggle he motorboated his cheeks just to make him laugh  Seeing this fragile side of Hux turned him on in a different way-- as though he were getting to share in some long kept secret.

“I love how dirty you are,” he murmured.  “I love the noises you make.  You’re nasty, aren’t you? You love this because you’re filthy and you don’t want anyone to know.  Well, guess what?”

He crawled up over Hux and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I’m hot for that dirty little hole because I’m nasty too.”  

  
  
  


The words were emphasised by the drag of Kylo's cock against the back of Hux's thigh, right against the spot he had kissed so ardently. Without even thinking, Hux lifted his lower body up to grind back against it, moaning at Kylo's deep voice saying those terrible, wonderful things in his ear. Not only did Kylo suss him out with a spot on accuracy that sent a blush spreading clear down to his ass, but the fact that he did it in such a perfectly sinful manner that had Hux moaning long and loud and not even bothering to stifle it. To be caught out this way, that Kylo knew how fastidious and pristine Hux was in his daily habits only to find out that Hux got hard at the scent of sweat-- harder still when someone called him filthy and enjoyed his scent all the more for it-- was an epiphany of sorts.  It left him clawing at his pillow and gasping for more.

"Y..yeah, I'm disgusting, I'm filthy and I want you to...ah!" He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. It was one thing to want it, to secretly press his face into one of Kylo's t-shirts that he worked out in, to lean into the humid, aromatic air between them in the heat of summer and breathe in deep, and another thing entirely to give it voice, to make his desire known. "Please, Ky..." It was wrong to ask for it, but Hux was desperate. Once he was given that little tease, he wanted it all, wanted Kylo to absolutely wreck him until he was a screaming, trembling mess with his ass in the air; being devoured like nothing else mattered.

  
  
  


As Hux laid bare his desires Kylo he bit down on his shoulder, feeling like he’d finally gained some measure of control.  He may have been, for all practical purposes, a virgin when it came to this type of activity but he was an expert at driving Hux crazy.  No matter that it was usually a different kind of crazy.

“Okay,” he murmured against Hux’s neck.  “Dirty little bunting, you need a good tongue lashing.”  He grinned before kissing the spot and moving back down the length of his body.

Teasing Hux was too much fun, he thought, as he dragged his tongue down the crevice again for a hit of that salty musk that he’d quickly developed a craving for.  His teeth pressed gently around sensitive skin, just to give him a new sensation.  Hux cried out again when Kylo rubbed his nose in it, tickling him.  

“Mm, Midge you nasty thing, were you thinking of me when you lay in your own sweat all last night?  Were you trying to tempt me?”

He knew Hux would never admit to anything of the sort but he loved drawing that beautiful blush out of him.  The soft moans into Hux’s pillow encouraged him to work the tip of his tongue against his entrance.  He loved the way the tight ring of muscle shivered and twitched while he flicked his tongue against it.

  
  
  


The pleasure was too much for Hux to stay silent, moaning against the pillow fisted in one hand and trembling as Kylo's teeth grazed the delicate little furl. The press of that perfect nose against his cleft sent waves of shivers up and down Hux's spine, a surprised little gasp at how good it felt, how utterly sinful it was to know that he was being smelled and tasted for all that he was a filthy wreck. His other hand reached down for his cock and just held it, not wanting to bring himself off yet. Little squeezes, the brush of his thumb over the slick head, sliding his foreskin back and forth coaxed more little sounds from him between the throaty cries Kylo elicited.

The blow of hot air made his muscles clench, the nudge of Kylo's nose right against his entrance had him keening, the wet slide and flick of a tongue set his hips into motion, short, shallow rolls that silently begged for more. He could feel the heat of his blush everywhere and knew the Kylo could see it, now even more so as his knees spread even further apart and making him look whorish, needy. He was, though, he needed this desperately, hated how urgently his body craved it and yet he gave into his desires, hungry for Kylo's mouth on him.

The plunge of Kylo's tongue inside of him had Hux crying out, his back bowing and his ass lifting up higher, every nerve on edge and every muscle taut and coiled as he wondered idly through the static of overwhelming pleasure if he could come this way.

  
  
  


Kylo didn’t have the coordination to stroke Hux’s dick while he performed this task so he settled for cupping and massaging his balls.  As he caressed them he felt Hux’s hand brush against his and he covered it without a word, just holding the back of Hux’s hand while he touched himself to learn the motion and to give him an encouraging squeeze.  

To his surprise Hux rocked back against him, hard.  He ran with it, pushing his face deep between his cheeks and licking as though his life depended on it.  With one hand steadying Hux and the other clamped tightly around Hux’s he could only lean into that ripe ass like a cushion and take it for all it was worth.

  
  
  


Nothing Hux had experienced before could compare to this, not in the act itself nor in the intensity of pleasure that suffused Hux's entire being. The anchor of Kylo's hands on him was what Hux needed as he felt the pressure build in his balls, his cries growing strained but somehow louder. He could feel Kylo's breath between those deep, probing licks, felt his stubble rasp against delicate skin, wet, obscene sounds that would be embarrassing if ii didn't feel so good. The hand he had wrapped around his cock moved tight and fast, Kylo's hand following his movements, squeezing him a little more firmly and making Hux shout his pleasure into the pillow.

This was everything he could have wanted in this moment, and Kylo was the one who was giving it to him openly and lovingly, encouraging Hux to give in to his most shameful desires with no judgement. That thought was what tipped him over the edge, spilling over his fist with a broken sob as Kylo's tongue delved as deeply as it could go, fucking into him and riding out each spasm until Hux was spent.

He was still shaking and practically hyperventilating when big hands eased him down, turning him to lie on his back. Reaching up for Kylo with a shaky hand, Hux dragged him down by the nape into a messy, hungry kiss, mewling at the taste of himself on those supple lips. He sought out Kylo’s cock with his come-smeared hand, stroking the heavy length and swallowing a groan. "Go ahead, come all over me. I'm going to rub it into my skin until I smell of you."

  
  
  


Kylo gazed into Hux’s vibrant eyes and saw nothing but open adoration there.

“Anything,” he promised, dipping down to lose himself in another kiss as Hux’s skilled hands made quick work of him.  He’d already nearly lost control of himself with Hux’s orgasm.  Being able to do that to someone amazed him.

He let Hux work him to another climax and shamelessly aimed at his chest and face when he came.  He had to close his eyes for that, happy to do it for Hux but not sure if that was something he could watch.  When he opened them again Hux was panting hard and rubbing his chest.  He crawled up beside him and snuggled against him a little, feeling spent and filthy and utterly at peace with the world.  

“Hux,” he said tentatively.  “When I’m clean down there.  Like, properly clean, because I don’t know what’s going on down there right now, would you…. Could I see what that feels like?”

  
  
  


His hands were sticky, his chest was drying mess of sweat and come, his ass was slick and wet and Hux had never felt so completely debauched in his entire life. He loved it. There was still a high pink staining his cheeks, across the bridge of his nose but Hux went into Kylo's hug unashamed, pressing a little kiss to his forehead. The question sent a little ripple of anticipation through Hux and he grinned.

"Are you asking me to go down on your ass?" It was Kylo's turn to blush then, that face which was so aloof to the rest of the world now glowing a pale pink and making Kylo look so very innocent. "I would love to. We don't even have to wait until you're properly clean. We've already established that I've got a certain acquired taste for a specific state of physical exertion." Hux's hand wandered down Kylo's hip and over to a cheek, giving it a playful squeeze. "But I can wait if that's what makes you more comfortable. I want you to enjoy it."

  
  
  


“It’s not the sweat I’m worried about,” he said, burying his face in Hux’s shoulder and burning with shame. He was clean enough but Hux was the one who who brought baby wipes everywhere he went-- and stashed a pack in the car just in case like that was a thing to do.  He needed to be much cleaner than he was right now, at any rate.

“When we get back show me how to um… you know the stuff you do before you go out with a guy… and then maybe I can spend some time on the treadmill before we start so it’s just how you like it.

He’d just had his tongue in an ass for crying out loud, he had no idea why talking about this embarrassed him so much.  Meeting Hux’s eyes were out of the question so he settled for hunching up next to him and kind of awkwardly threading their fingers together.  Something about the thought of Hux doing that to him seemed oddly more intimate than the reversal.  Probably because no one ever had.

  
  
  


It was cute to see Kylo embarrassed about something so natural, but Hux wouldn't push. It was all new for Kylo so Hux would let him dictate his own comfort levels. Nudging Kylo's chin up with the backs of his fingers, Hux kissed pink cheeks and smiled affectionately at him. "You want me to show you the whole works? Because it's not just about making sure the outside is clean, but the inside as well. I can show you how to give yourself an enema if you like, but if that's too much for you, I can link you to a medical website that gives you step by step instructions." Kylo's cheeks went positively red and he hid his face again. Hux just wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head. "It's okay, Ky. There's no shame when it comes to being clean and I won't push it. Just let me know what you decide when you do, okay?"

  
  
  


“You can show me,” Kylo said with a nervous laugh as he sought the safety of Hux’s chest.  Strange how one terribly intimate act could embolden him while the thought of another could make him feel completely out of his depth.

They cuddled a little longer and then Kylo went for a piss and to brush his teeth.  Tomorrow would be a full day of exploring together and they’d planned to for a late night swim in the evening.  But he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do than return to Hux’s arms for more of that ridiculously addictive kissing.  When they slipped back under the covers and turned off the hanging lantern Kylo immediately pulled Hux into another soft kiss, laughing when they bumped noses.  

“Bunting,” he whispered against his lips, a little shock of warmth making his heart flutter even as he said it.  A secret between them.  In the enveloping dark he could touch Hux’s face, memorizing every contour and kissing the hidden spot under his chin.  Their legs slid together and Kylo found himself horny all over again but far too tired for anything but the impromptu makeout session he’d initiated.  Hux tasted so good, so  _ right. _

“You’re my favorite,” he said, “my one and only.  You’ve always been.”

  
  
  


Already Hux was longing for a hot shower, if not to get clean than to ward off the chill of the night. While Kylo was taking care of things, Hux brushed his teeth as well and went to the lake for a very quick, exceedingly cold wipe down, almost regretting washing the scent of Kylo off his skin. It was for the best though, otherwise he'd just end up getting itchy all over. Shivering slightly on his way back to the tent, Hux grabbed one of the bottles of water and drank half of it before crawling back into the sleeping bags that smelled less like musty attic now and more like fresh sex. When Kylo joined him, Hux purred into the kiss and welcomed the closeness even as he huffed slightly at his new pet name. He was most certainly not a cute, puffy, colourful little bird but if Kylo saw him as such, he would accept this new nickname and retaliate accordingly.

Which was completely forgotten at Kylo's endearing admission, Hux's stomach fluttering at the words and realising the same held true for him. Kylo had always been the one, no one else had ever felt right and perfect and undeniably comfortable. Hux slid his hand up into Kylo's hair just to feel it slip between his fingers, feeling Kylo smile against his mouth before claiming it in another kiss. Between those soft little pecks and nips, Hux whispered, "You're the only person I've ever felt comfortable sleeping with. I'd barely sleep with someone else in my bed, but with you..." The words were stalled by a slow, breath stealing kiss, the possessiveness in it unmistakeable. Hux laughed softly when they broke apart. "With you, I felt like it was the only good sleep I could get. No nightmares, no tossing and turning. Only your scent and your breath and your arms and legs and your stupid cold feet."

  
  
  


“Your thighs are so warm, where else would I put them?”

He giggled when Hux punched his shoulder and pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Do you really think things will be okay?  I’ve never felt this way…. Never let myself imagine this… Midge, I….I’ve loved you since we were kids,” he stumbled over the words, feeling stupid but pressing on, “but what if we fight or… what if I’m just bad at this?  I feel like I’m falling in love with you and I’m afraid to say or do the wrong thing.  How come I never realized how beautiful your eyes are?  I’m so fucking into you.  Why can’t we just lie here and kiss forever?”

He was babbling, he knew it, but he let himself be silenced by Hux’s mouth.

  
  
  


Hux laughed and kissed Kylo and laughed again, pressing their foreheads together and letting his hands wander over Kylo's body, feeling the landscape of muscle and bone and the little raised freckles everywhere. "Things have been nothing but okay for years between us, right?" Kylo nodded and Hux continued. "How many fights have we had? More than we can remember, and what did we do? We got over ourselves and talked it out and everything was okay again, correct?" Another nod and a soft sigh. "As for being bad at something, between the two of us, I have less experience at relationships than you do, so I'm probably going to fuck up a lot more than you, but it's going to be okay as long as we keep our wits about us just like we always have. We'll always be friends, we'll always love each other, it's just a new kind of love added to the mix. Nothing's been taken away, we're no less than what we've always been with each other." Hux could hear Kylo hum softly and he kissed him again for good measure.

When Hux bumped their noses together, he heard Kylo's shaky laugh, the one that signaled he was on the verge of tears. "This is how it's going to be,” he continued, “we're going to lie here and kiss for the next few days and then we're going to go home and kiss there and wherever the fuck else we feel like kissing. When we get our degrees we're going to kiss at our graduation, when I propose to you at our favourite restaurant we'll kiss there, when we have our honeymoon somewhere in Spain, I'll kiss you every damn chance I get." The dark made him fearless, bold and Hux could almost picture Kylo's shocked face, heard that he had stopped breathing. Maybe he'd gone too far, but Hux really couldn't picture any other future nor did he want to. He wasn't about to backpedal either, the words were out and he waited for the reaction.

  
  
  


Kylo carefully framed Hux’s face with his hands.

“Okay.  But only because you’ve always been the planner between the two of us.  And because when you die I’m gonna make a mint off your vinyl collection.”

They laughed softly against one another and Kylo traced Hux’s lips with a finger.

“I hope you weren’t trying to scare me off with that kind of talk.  Because you know my life already belongs to you, Armitage Hux.  And I meant it when I said I’d never let you go.

When their mouths met again Kylo let himself melt entirely into the kiss, aimlessly stroking Hux’s neck and his back and tracing patterns on his hip.  Seventeen be damned, they were still young and fearless.

  
  
  


The fact that they were still kissing meant two things: one was that Kylo didn't mind Hux's terribly disguised threat to marry him and two, that it might even mean Kylo envisioned that possibility too. It was Hux's turn to stop breathing for a second, only at the thought of his vinyl collection ending up in the wrong hands. Yes, that was it.

"We'll buy a house together, somewhere with a view of the mountains." Another sweet kiss and Hux's hand strayed to Kylo's chest, his palm resting over his heart. "It will have a garden out back, lots of trees. We'll get a dog." Fingers splayed out over warm skin, a fingertip brushing a nipple and making Kylo sigh. "And we'll come back out here to celebrate our anniversary every now and again. Complete with bad food choices and a lumpy sleeping bag."

It was just like when they planned their future together in Hux's bed, huddled under blankets and enjoying their youthful idealism in that little fantasy world they made up. Some of it came true, some of it still could come true. The one thing that never changed, never faltered was the fact that they always planned those futures together and it never seemed anything less than perfect.

  
  
  


“Remember when we used to say we’d both get married and live in joined houses so we wouldn’t have to go out the front door to see one another?”

Silly fantasies, all of them.  But maybe the one where they’d live together forever hadn’t been so silly after all.

“Boyfriend,” he said, the word tentative and new on his tongue.  Like something just blossomed that needed the right conditions to grow.  “Boyfriend,” he whispered again, close to Hux’s mouth.  Then he grinned and said, “Lover,” in a teasing sing-song voice and nibbled on Hux’s earlobe, wanting this feeling-- this stupid good feeling-- to last forever.  “Girlfriend” meant Marisol and he still held a little warmth for her somewhere.  Still ached with guilt over it even though she’d called it off.  “Boyfriend” meant the endless horizon and the way his heart pounded when he kissed Hux and the desire to press every inch of himself against his best friend in an unbreakable embrace; to hold him and shield him as he’d always done.  Somewhere between Hux’s confession and the bold acts they’d performed with one another--  _ to _ one another-- Kylo’s insides had turned sweeter and softer than a marshmallow.  Like Hux could tip him over just by touching him.  Like every moment they weren’t touching he was a compass needle spinning aimlessly.

  
  
  


The word 'boyfriend' sent a little spark through Hux, but the word 'lover' caught fire, leaving him gasping as Kylo nipped at his ear. Neither of these words held any meaning before aside from a convenient label he gave the person he was fucking at the time, none of which were really affectionate enough to be a boyfriend much less deserving of being a lover. What was growing between them gave weight to these words and made them into something with meaning and depth. In his own dizzying array of sensations and thoughts, Hux mouthed at Kylo's chin, lapped at his pulse point and pressed a word into his skin. "Fiance.” Kylo drew a shuddery breath and Hux caressed down his belly, fingertips making little circles down to his navel, teasing over to his hip. "Husband."

  
  
  


_ “Inamorato,”  _ Kylo groaned into his mouth, “Beloved… Sweetheart…”  He rubbed his nose impishly against Hux’s.

“Significant other.”  He pulled back with a grin and punctuated each word with a soft kiss against Hux’s chin, “Spouse, Partner, Cherished One…  You know, I like being your best friend.  I feel like being your best friend is better than all those things.  We’ve always belonged to each other.  There’s no need to rush into anything, Hux.  I have no intention of letting you go.

“But I want everyone to know I’m the only one allowed to kiss you,” he added much more seriously than he’d intended.  “I don’t want you thinking ‘boyfriend’ or ‘lover’ or any of the other words mean anything but ‘Ky.”

  
  
  


The endearments made Hux giggle and squirm, his fingertips brushing against the hollow of Kylo's hip. He tipped his head back, allowing Kylo to nuzzle and nip under his chin, humming his approval. "How about Insufferable Brat, Unholy Terror, Insolent- ah!" Hux figured he deserved the harder bite for those names, but they were a lot tamer than some of the truly crass ones given one another in the past. Kylo lapped at the spot and Hux let his fingers wander through the trail of hair just below Kylo's navel just to enjoy the feel of it, to hear the quiet little purr against his skin.

"Only you. I've only ever wanted you, Ky. And we're hardly rushing into anything, considering how long we've already been together." Limbs shifted together and hands moved over skin, both of them easing into the most peaceful sleep they’d had since they last drifted off together as youths clinging to each other under the sanctuary of a heavy winter blanket.

Sunrises were met with coffee and a low fire and two bodies huddled under a sleeping bag sharing warmth, mist clinging to hair and skin like fading stardust in the dawn light. Days were spent in the sun with bare skin taking on a burnished hue, not a stitch concealing them from each other as they slipped through the cool water of the lake, floating weightless and connected by their pinky fingers. Evenings gave way to hushed conversations at the fire over slightly burned dinners and a dwindling supply of cider as their laughter echoed over still waters. Nights heralded inviting glances and the lush tangle of fingers and tongues, limbs that shifted like tectonic plates, slow and resolute, words that birthed galaxies and sent them spinning, both of them moving at the centre of a fixed point where time no longer existed.

On the seventh day they woke at the same time and lay there looking at each other, not saying a word, knowing their idyllic hideaway would be left behind so they could return to the city. They rose and dressed and had their breakfast in silence, savouring the last dawn as it broke around them in a brilliant tapestry of crimson and magenta and ochre and flame, a send-off of sorts, their precious battery charge spent capturing it all. The fire pit was smothered and buried, their tent packed away, everything they had brought with them stowed in the car until only a few scuff marks in the ground and an imprint of their existence on the air were left behind.

The drive back was sombre and Hux didn't say a word when Kylo picked something to listen to that was on Hux's playlist. The console between them was no longer just a place to shove a bag of crisps to share or a resting spot for empty coffee cups and ice cream pints, it was the place where their hands could meet. Up ahead, Hux could see the diner they had stopped at on the way in, and despite it not quite being lunch time yet, Hux's suggestion that they stop in was met with eager approval.

  
  


 

Kylo ordered another coffee for both of them as they were finishing their fries-- three sugars and creams for him and none for Hux.  The waitress was an older heavyset woman with big dimples.  She beamed at them when she came back to drop the check and asked if they were headed to the campgrounds up north.  

“We just came back from camping,” Kylo said, swallowing a mouthful of sweet coffee.

“Oh!  Well I figured it was one or the other.  Spending the break with friends?  Girlfriends in town?”

“No,” he corrected her quickly, reaching across the table to grab Hux’s hand.  “He’s my boyfriend.”

Hux glanced up at him in mild surprise and a small smile flitted across his face.

“Well aren’t you the lucky one,” the waitress said with a wink.  She set down the check and a few peppermints.  “You take care of one another.”

“What was all that about eschewing labels, hm?” Hux said as she left the table.   


“I never said that.  I just feel like the word is inadequate.  Doesn’t mean I won’t use it.”  He kicked Hux gently under the table.

  
  
  


When they left the diner they felt better for having real food for the first time in a few days, full and satisfied and feeling a little giddy having shared their status with another person. The first of many, Hux imagined, suffused with an almost embarrassing burst of joy at the thought. They were on the road again and each passing mile brought them closer to the city, made them feel a little more maudlin. Kylo musical choices took a melancholy turn and for once, Hux didn't feel like objecting.

Crossing over the bridge, they could see the city skyline in the distance, glass buildings reflecting the sunlight like faraway mirrors. The week already felt like a memory as they met the very beginning of rush hour traffic, Hux weaving through most of it in order to get home sooner. Even as they felt the loss of their cherished week, they knew what had been gained would span a lifetime and that was the impetus that sparked a different sort of excitement.

As they sped through town, Hux felt Kylo's hand alight on his thigh, giving it a squeeze. He smiled at the reassuring contact but when nimble fingertips slid further towards the inside of his thigh and began a steady ascent, he couldn't help the little burst of heat that spread through his body. By the time they pulled up in front of the building, Hux was rock hard in his jeans and Kylo was sprawled across the console mouthing a wet patch over his cock.

  
  
  


“We should take this upstairs,” Kylo said before kissing Hux’s flushed lips.  He unbuckled him and took him by the hand as soon as he exited the car.  Their gear could wait.  As Hux fumbled with the keys Kylo slipped his arms around his narrow waist and kissed his shoulder.

“Hurry, hurry, hurry,” Kylo whispered into his shirt like a mantra.

Hux paused in the hall for a moment.  “Wait-- your bedroom or mine?”

“Shower.”

Kylo tugged off his clothes, hopping on one foot to divest himself of his tight jeans while Hux disrobed and folded his clothes to hang over a chair.  He’d barely finished with his socks when Kylo scooped him up in his arms and carried him, laughing, into the bathroom.

“The sooner we get clean the sooner we can get dirty,” Kylo promised.  

  
  
  


Once Hux was placed on his feet again, he turned the water on, inordinately thrilled to finally have hot running water at his convenience once again. Stepping under the hot spray was the best welcome home ever as Hux picked up a bottle of his favourite soap only to have it snatched away. Turning around, he met Kylo's gaze and his cocky smile as those big, capable hands lathered up and reached for Hux. Never before had a shower been a sensual thing.  Once again, Kylo was teaching Hux a thing or two about what people could do together.

Little sighs and moans escaped as Kylo washed every inch of Hux's body, pausing to run slippery fingertips over a collarbone, rosy nipples, the ticklish spot just under ribs, hip bones, the backs of knees and thighs, the tender crevice between his small cheeks. When Kylo sank down to his knees and urged Hux to turn around, he went with a blush, groaning at the feel of Kylo's hands cupping his backside, kneading it, parting it to rub more soap over him, teasing him until Hux pressed his forehead against the tiles and whimpered.

"Please, Ky..." When Kylo stood to adjust the shower-head, Hux felt the thick heat of Kylo's cock rub against the back of his thigh, the nudge of his nose just under an ear, and then water rinsing him clean. Hux ground back against Kylo with a needy whine, his own cock aching for attention as he felt those big hands grab hold of his hips and tilt them back. The kisses that descended down his spine had Hux clawing at the tiles, hot breath against the small of his back making his legs weak. The dip and slide of Kylo's tongue over Hux's quivering furl had him keening and reaching back with one hand to caress Kylo's wet cheek. He couldn't help but laugh with a bliss that bubbled up as he tipped his head back, knowing that they had the rest of their lives ahead to discover every small joy they could conjure between them. 


End file.
